Kaha Ka 'lo me nä Makani (The Hawk soars with the Winds)
by RaeBeth13
Summary: Steve deals with his mortality with the people that care for him the most. NOTE: This takes place after the events of Episode 13 Season 10 so please watch out for spoilers if you haven't already watched. This is an emotional fic with a not so happy ending. Please keep that in mind before reading.
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1**

The bedroom was illuminated by a soft glare of mid-morning sun, and a delicate sea haze tempered the edges of landscape outside. A warm island sea breeze drifted over the tropical garden, over the lanai and through the French doors. The soft white material of the drapes, adorned with the pattern of green tropical leaves, flapped gently in the light wind and enveloped the room.

None of this had brought Steve from his deep sleep, it was a natural ambiance for him. Although it wasn't often he would have the doors completely open, like this morning, but sometimes when he would have restless nights he would find the air flow would ease his body and mind and settle him into slumber. It had been one of those very nights.

Eddie was still no where near 100% after being diagnosed with Canine PTS, despite Tani and Quin finding his trigger and having the flower removed over a week ago. He had become painfully attached to Steve when they were together, rarely leaving his side. When Steve would come home he would often find parts of the houses decor had been shredded, by his four legged friend, which had never happened before. Steve had decided, after the day Eddie had escaped, that he was going to take some time off. He put it down to helping his dog, but in truth it was just as much for him too.

He knew returning to work so soon after his moms death was a mistake. He hadn't had any real time to process what had happened and ever since Joe's death there had seemed to be blow after crushing blow in his private life, but the last few weeks had been the worst. He just needed time out. A chance to reset as best as he could and close the world off for just a few days with his canine friend, especially since Danny had been on the mainland with Grace and Rachel for her first week of college and Junior was still deployed.

Steve used some of the time to learn more about how to help Eddie with his condition, but nothing seemed to be working nor providing answers. That was until last night, when what seemed as a far-fetched theory, now became credible; especially for a dog like Eddie.

It was the rough tongue on the back of Steve's hand, which extended off the side of the bed as he slept seemingly peaceful on his side, and the soft squeaks that framed the dogs actions.

Steve's eyes jerked open; a loud hiss of breath filled his lungs as he was jolted from his sleep. He could see Eddie's eyes peering over the sheets to which he exhaled. This was also unusual behavior for Eddie, usually he would lay on the end of the bed until Steve got up, but waking him was highly uncommon and only usually reserved for rare moments when Eddie deemed out of place or wrong.

"Hey buddy" Steve whispered sleepily as he curled his hand around the side of the dog's face and scratched his ear. "What's going on?"

Eddie glared at him for a moment before barking once, then twice, then continuously.

"Alright." Steve said softly, squeezing his eyes shut in an attempt to ignore his canine friend but knowing there would have to be a legitimate reason for Eddie's behavior. He pushed himself up to sit on the side of the bed, his head felt light, but he wasn't concerned. He petted Eddie some more, which quietened him down, but still not having any idea why the dog was so insistent on disturbing him. Things became clearer when Steve felt a sensation on his thigh, like drops of water in one place, prompting him to look down. He sighed softly, this answered it, and his pillow had confirmed what Eddie's problem had been.

He stood up and headed into the bathroom, Eddie glued to his side, and walking up to the mirror. The skin on the right-hand side of his face, around his nose and cheek, was discolored. Reddened by the presence of dried blood which had pooled on his pillow during the night. The source was evidently some heavy nose bleeds which had happened unknowingly on and off during the night, fresh blood was running from his nose now. He exhaled heavily, grabbing a small washcloth and pressing it against his face and looking down. "I know, its okay." He said softly to his four-legged friend.

H50H50H50H505H05H05H05H05H0

Tani looked up from her computer screen and noticed Lou walking in with a familiar pink box in his hand. She smirked and jumped to her feet, hurrying to the glass door and pushing her way into the main area.

"What do you have there?" she asked, she already knew the answer.

"Well Miss Rey, I have a delicious box of Malasadas ." Lou replied with a wry smile.

"You would probably be needing some assistance eating those fine Malasadas, no?" She responded.

"Did someone say Malasadas?" Quin appeared from Junior's office.

"That is correct." Tani smirked. "And it would be criminal to leave them all for Lou to eat. You don't want to mess with that waistline."

"You don't need to ask me twice when someone is in need of Malasada assistance." Quin shook her head. "I'm here for you."

Lou sighed. "I guess you are right. Too many and I could lose my six pack." Placing the box down on the table and rubbing his belly.

Tani and Quin smirked.

"So what you girls up to anyway?" he asked, opening the box and pulling back the paper lining that covered the contents and offering them around.

Tani took one and a bite quickly followed, as did Quin.

"I finished up archiving a bunch of files on the drive." Quin answered.

"You know Danny is going to hate that." Tani responded. "He lives happily in a world of organized chaos."

"Speaking of Danny, isn't he due back today?" Quin asked.

"Yep" Lou nodded. "He called me just before and said he was coming straight here from the airport."

"Anyone spoken to Steve?" Tani asked before she took another bite of her donut.

"I've tried calling a couple of times." Lou nodded. "Always went to voicemail, figured I'd just leave messages to let him know I was thinking about him. Got a text back, he seems okay. Eddie too."

"How long do you think he will be out for?" Quin probed.

"I don't know, I hope as long as he needs." Lou shrugged "I don't want to ask just in case he feels pressured to come back before he's ready."

"Yeah." Quin whispered.

The sound of the main glass doors being opened echoed around the room and the group turned. The trio smiled as Danny made his way in. His face was still showing some signs of the trauma from the car accident and although they knew some of the details they certainly didn't know it all. None of them were game enough to question him either.

"How are you feeling?" Tani called out.

"Fantastic." Danny answered with a forced smile. "Nothing beats sitting on a six hour flight in coach with two broken ribs."

"Malasada will help." Tani answered with authority. "Malasada's help everything."

"I don't doubt that." Danny nodded with a smirk, clearly he wasn't totally convinced. "But I stopped off at Zippy's on the way, so..."

"Okay, well don't blame us when you need your fix later on and Lou has eaten them all." Quin shrugged.

The doors opened once more, again making the group turn on their feet. They were surprised to see it was Steve.

"Boss" Quin acknowledged but with a curious frown.

"Hey…" he said quietly as he walked over and past them towards his office, only slowing momentarily to pat Danny gently on the arm. "Good to see you back, pal." He whispered before retreating through his door and to his desk.

Danny frowned as he watched him.

"I hate to say it." Lou started.

"Then don't." Danny responded. He knew exactly what he was going to say and he didn't want to hear it. If Lou had noticed then it seemed more real and more concerning.

"But if that's what he looks like after a full week off I would hate to see him be away for any longer." Lou continued.

They had all seen dramatic changes in Steve since the death of his mother. He didn't have the usual energy, not just physical energy but the kind he brought when he simply walked into a room. The banter with Danny was less frequent, despite Danny's best efforts, and he just seemed far away and closed off. They understood watching your mother die, in front of your eyes, would be excruciating for anyone. But even more so for a man who, amongst others, had lost his father, his mentor and his mother twice in his life.

Danny's eyes drifted down, breaking his focus from his best friend. Aside from Steve being unusually withdrawn, his physical appearance seemed to have changed. He looked tired, his face seemed different and he almost appeared fragile. He left the others, as they debriefed the strange entrance between themselves, and entered Steve's office. "Yo." He said as he stood in the doorway cautiously.

Steve looked up and offered a slight welcoming smile. "Hey. How did things go for Gracie?" he asked.

Danny's frown deepened as he walked over to the chair. _Okay, we can play that game. _"She's good. Yeah. She is missing home but she seems happy." He sat down. "I, on the other hand, am not so great with the situation." He nodded.

"Good." Steve replied, he tried his best to be genuine in his voice. He was in his mind and heart, he wanted nothing more for Grace to be settled and Danny to be comfortable about it. But his voice suggested he was beyond distracted as he randomly flicked through a bunch of papers that was on his desk.

Danny didn't take it personally, not for one moment. But he did start to feel a rush of concern rising within him. There was an awkward silence between them for just a moment. Like they had forgotten how to communicate. "You? You alright?" He asked clumsily.

"I'm great." Steve responded with over enthusiasm. The kind someone gives when they want to sound extra convincing but does anything but. He nodded, looking at Danny. Again, there was that silence.

Danny exhaled heavily. "Okay, well… I'll just be in the office." he pointed over his shoulder with his thumb.

"Okay." Steve nodded uncomfortably. He knew he had just created more questions for Danny than answers. He shouldn't have come in. He should have stayed at home. But he would have to face Danny at some point. They were, after all, temporarily living in the same house.

Danny reached the doorway and looked back at Steve. He hesitated for a moment on if he should broach the awkwardness but decided against it. At least for now.

As Danny left the room it allowed Steve to let out the breath he had been holding, for what seemed like the entire time, he knew he was letting off signals that he didn't want to but he just couldn't control it.

Danny walked back into the main area where Lou, Quin and Tani were still huddled.

"Is he okay?" Quin asked with concern

Danny sighed as he neared them, still running through the encounter and how foreign it seemed. "I really don't think so." he shook his head.

H50H50H50H50H05H05H05H05H05H0H50H

Tani, Steve and Lou held their guns up. Pointing them fiercely at a man named Carl Benson, a two-bit drug dealer that had been giving HPD the run around for the better part of a year. This time he was going down when he was caught, it was the catching part that was the problem. To add to that since there was high hopes that he would be turned and be a conduit to other drug dealing operations on the island, they knew he had to take him in alive if possible.

A tip had brought the team out to an abandoned restaurant in China Town, the property was gutted and ruined with exposed bricks and water pipes dripping. A table of cash and heroin sat in the middle and a couple of bodies had already been dropped on their entry.

The offender stood nervously with his hands in the air.

"Get down on the ground, Carl." Steve instructed.

Benson started to take small steps back.

"Carl Benson, get on the ground!" Steve repeated, though his voice was a lot louder.

Suddenly the dealer coiled then sprinted to the door at the back.

"Quin." Lou called down his comm.

As he broke through the external door and into a small alleyway to the back of the building he was met by the Sargent. She took a swing for him but he ducked and pulled away.

"He's off." Quin called as she started to give chase.

Steve, Tani and Lou appeared, instantly noticing Quin in hot pursuit of the criminal. Tani took off with Steve right behind her, but Lou wasn't going to break a sweat if he didn't need to. _Let the kids do the work._ His pace was hurried but by no means a sprint. He would catch Benson if he doubled back.

Lou hurried around each corner in the maze of tight laneways, gun tightly gripped in his hand and ready to act should the need arise. He turned into the last laneway to find a figure slumped on the ground and leaning against an external building wall. He frowned. "Steve?" he called out, lowering his weapon. "You hit?" he continued as he raced over to his friends' side.

Steve was breathing heavily and obviously shaken, but from all appearances he didn't appear to be hurt.

"Hey…" Lou pushed. "What happened?"

He squeezed his eyes together, not knowing how to respond.

"Okay…" the captain said softly, there was obviously an issue, but he wasn't going to push. Suddenly the sound of four gunshots echoed around the buildings. Both men's eyes widened as they looked in the direction of the noise. "Tani. Quin." He called down his comm.

"Lou… go." Steve insisted between short, sharp breaths.

Lou shook his head, kneeling beside his boss. On one hand he couldn't work out what was wrong with Steve but on the other the girls could be in trouble too.

"Go!" Steve snapped. "I'm fine."

He wasn't buying it, and for that reason he tried his comm one more time. "Tani. Quin. Do you copy?" he asked desperately.

It seemed like an eternity before the crack of the radio could be heard and Tani's voice came through. "Lou, we're okay. Quin has been hit but she's okay. I lost Steve."

They both sighed with relief simultaneously. "I got Steve." He nodded. "He… he took another alley way and ended up being a dead end." Lou explained, his priority now was to shield Steve in this moment. "What about Benson?"

"We had to take him down." Quin responded with a raspy voice. "We had no other choice."

"Understood." Lou nodded. "I'll be with you soon." He nodded then focused back on Steve. His breathing had regulated, and he didn't seem as disorientated as he did before. "Are you good to walk by yourself?"

"Yeah." Steve answered.

"You're going to take my keys; you're going to go back to my truck and I'll take care of this. Okay?" Lou said supportively, though he fully expected a protest.

Steve nodded without any kind of resistance.

"Okay, on three…" he said standing and wrapping his fingers around Steve's wrist. "One. Two. Three." He lifted his friend to his feet. "You good?"

"Thanks Lou." Steve whispered though avoiding eye contact.

"You got it." He nodded.

H50H50H50H50H05H05H05H05H05H0H50H

Steve sat sheepishly in the passenger side of the truck when Lou climbed in.

"Quin?" Steve whispered.

"She's fine." Lou nodded. "Two rounds to the plates. Just some bruising."

He closed his eyes. Relief but incredible anger with himself for letting the team down.

Lou dropped his shoulders as he flicked Steve a sympathetic glance. "We could make the journey back to HQ in silence and pretend like that, that back there didn't happen, because Steve… you know me… I'll do it if that's what you want." He started. "Or we can sit here and talk through whatever has you riled up at the moment." He nodded. "Because we have all noticed changes that we can't fully answer. Since Danny is just as confused as we are means I know you ain't told him. That gets me thinking that it is something you are trying to protect him from, which in turn makes me believe that it's more than just losing your mother."

Steve, again, avoided eye contact. Trying so hard to construct that wall he never usually had any problems building. But he couldn't. He had nothing. Still, he remained silent, looking down at the dashboard of the truck.

"Alright." Lou answered, he didn't sound angry or frustrated but he was certainly saddened he hadn't been able to reach his friend. He turned over the engine and placed the vehicle in drive.

"Acute Myeloid Leukemia." Steve whispered under his breath.

Lou thought he heard right but then he couldn't have. "Say what now?" he frowned, throwing the transmission back into park.

Steve closed his eyes and gasped softly. Saying it out loud, much less saying it to someone he was close to, made it too real. "Acute Myeloid Leukemia." He repeated, only this time louder and with more courage.

Lou's confused expression broke, frowning with absolute heartbreak. "You've been diagnosed?"

"Yeah." Steve whispered almost immediately

"When did you find out?"

Steve hesitated for just a moment. His mouth seemed dry and the sentences seemed muddled. _Start from the beginning_. "I knew something was wrong when I was in Mexico. About four weeks in." he paused. "I couldn't do anything because I was meant to be invisible."

Lou squeezed his eyes together.

"When I got back to DC, and they checked me out at the hospital, they tested my blood which came back with some irregularities." He continued. "And then after a couple more tests… they confirmed."

"Damn, man…" Grover said softly. "What's the prognosis?"

He sighed and shrugged. "I mean, who knows… right?" he said looking at his colleague. "They put me on a trial treatment that has shown good results… but with everything my body has been through… the transplant, the poisoning… I'm not exactly your textbook guinee pig." He paused. "What I do know, after today, is that I am not fit to be in the field anymore."

"Now, come on Steve, that could have happened any time." Lou responded.

"But it didn't." Steve replied, an inflection of irritation was clear in his voice. "I couldn't keep up. I burned through what little energy I have and I couldn't push myself any further. I can't risk it happening again."

Lou's eyes floated down. "Who else knows?"

"No one… aside from Eddie I guess." Steve replied. "That's why he has been so strange lately. Your military vet friend told me this morning that dogs like Eddie are hyper sensitive to changes in their owners, often long before we know ourselves."

Grover raised his eyebrows. "Well that doesn't surprise me."

Steve sat silent for a moment. "You know I am not angry that I have it. I'm not even that scared right now. Nothing is set in stone. I could come out of it." He continued. "But when I think about what I haven't done yet." He paused. "I'm thankful for everything I have, I wouldn't give it up for the world, but I was hoping that I would at least get to be in a meaningful relationship… kids…"

"Is this why you dropped the ball with Eddie's vet?" Lou asked.

Steve's mouth curled to one side. "I mean, how could I expect her to be a part of my life with this going on?" He hesitated as his eyes glared into thin air. "Besides, things didn't work out with Lynne because there was always a ghost in our relationship."

"Catherine?"

He nodded. "No one has come even close, Lou."

Lou winced, he hated not being able to fix one single thing that Steve had mentioned. But he did know there was one thing that Steve had to do. "I hate to say it… but you have to tell Danny."

Steve rolled his head back against the seat and thinned his lips. "I know." He whispered.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

The warm colors of the sunset illuminated their faces as they sat on the two old wooden chairs, their 'go to place, in the garden. Usually when they sat out there, sipping on their local brew, they would talk and often bicker about irrelevant things. But tonight, it was different.

Steve had dealt the harsh blow to his best friend, whilst Danny listened intently but for the most part expressionless. Danny was usually so animated, so high intensity, so vocal when presented with tough information but right now he was blank and harder to read than Steve had ever seen before.

Steve glared at him, waiting for that explosion to happen as he concluded what he had to say. But nothing happened. There was an easy silence between them, not like the ones that had happened earlier in the day, but one that was familiar and natural. Still, Steve couldn't grip not knowing what was going on in his partners mind. "Would you just say something." He whispered, pleading in his voice.

Danny sighed before he took a swig of his beer. "This is everything?" he answered softly. "You've told me everything?"

"You know everything I know." Steve nodded gently.

"Okay, well… this isn't the end of the line. Right?" he answered encouragingly. "I mean, it's going to be tough but there is more than a chance you can come through this."

"Right." Steve answered cautiously, still expecting that at any moment Danny would lose his mind.

"And if there is one thing you hate doing… it's losing… so… I mean you're going to do what you have to do."

Steve's mouth thinned. Was this actually happening? Was Danny keeping his cool? "That is very true."

"Right, so the way I see it is that once this…" he hesitated.

"Leukemia, Danny…" Steve assisted

"Right… Leukemia realizes that it's messing with the wrong guy, it's going to give up long before you will." He said, seemingly believing that this was true and convincing Steve.

Steve's smile deepened. He had never been as proud of Danny than in this moment. "I got to say, I wasn't expecting this reaction from you."

Danny gripped his lips tightly together and nodded, looking down at his beer. "Maybe I've had a little time to get used to this moment happening."

Steve frowned and shrugged gently.

"It was always on the cards, right?" he continued. "A few hints in the past couple of weeks just made me believe those cards had been dealt. There's been a couple of things that made me wonder, but in DC, when you said about life not being on our terms… about not getting to choose what it looks like, that was when it really hit me."

Steve's eyes floated down.

"Granted, I naturally went to the worst possible outcome which was that you were dying…"

"Naturally." Steve nodded and smiled gently.

"But I guess I knew something was coming."

They paused for a moment, allowing the sound of the waves to crash on the shoreline.

"So what now?" Danny asked.

"I'm going to slow down with work. Just for now. I'll be around a couple of days, but I won't be in the field." He said softly, this time he didn't want to look at Danny's reaction. "I want to concentrate on things I haven't done or finished."

Danny frowned. "What? Like a bucket list?" he hissed mockingly.

"Yeah like a bucket list." Steve answered defensively, although it was only in their usual conversational jest.

"I thought we just got done agreeing that this wasn't the end." Danny wined.

"We did." Steve replied. "You don't have to be dying to have a bucket list."

"No, but generally people make that kind of commitment when they are."

"Danny, I could get in a car wreck tomorrow and it would be all over." Steve pushed.

"That is a very high possibility." Danny agreed vehemently.

"Right so, it doesn't matter what kills me or when… I just don't want to waste any time not doing the things I want to do."

"Okay." Danny replied. Sounded fair.

They slipped back into that comfortable silence again. Both in their own thoughts for a good couple of minutes.

"Danny." Steve said, his voice cracking. "Lou knows what's going on." He nodded. "But… I don't want to be the one to tell the others. I just don't…"

"I got you." He replied supportively.

H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50

Lou pushed his way into Danny's office and sat down in front of the detective. A wide grin on his face.

Danny glared at him for a moment. "You got wind?"

"Nope." Grover shook his head. "I'm just proud of you is all, buddy."

"Proud of me?"

"The way you took control and handled telling Tani and Quin about Steve." He replied. "I couldn't believe it when Steve told me you were taking this all in your stride, but here we are."

"Yeah, well, the last thing that he needs right now is me having a meltdown. I need to be calm. No?" Danny answered dismissively as he flicked through some papers.

"Not with me you don't." Lou answered encouragingly. "Because trust me… I get it man." He said softly. "When I found McGarrett on the ground yesterday, knowing what was going through his mind with Quin and whatever was going on with him, I felt the same need to protect him. But if we can't vent between us, then it is going to consume us… and it will make it much harder to handle."

Danny paused, his eyes floating down and away from Lou.

"So just know that you can speak your truth with me. Anytime. Anywhere." He added.

Danny sighed as he slumped back into the chair. "I know…" He paused but in complete agreement. "I just keep thinking what it's going to be like if we lose him."

"I don't we're going to." Grover responded. "We are talking about McGarrett here, right? The guy gets knocked down and he gets up and always comes back bigger and stronger."

"And that's what I keep telling myself. It is the only thing that's keeping me above water right now." Danny nodded. "But we are not just talking about a couple of bullet holes and quick fixes. This is cancer. This is a long road."

Lou sighed.

"I read up about AML last night, after Steve told me." He shrugged. "Did you know its one of the most rapidly progressing cancers? And only 27% of people diagnosed will make it beyond five years?"

"Danny, that's just a general statistic which doesn't counter in any factors. Steve is otherwise fit, healthy and strong."

"I agree." He responded. "But Steve also had radiation poisoning which has compromised his immune system… and that means we can't be confident about him being in that 27% bracket."

Lou nodded gently.

"After reading things like that, I got to say I ended up being a little on edge."

"Well maybe you should go to the Oncologist appointment with him, and actually get some relative facts rather than leaving it up to Doctor Google."

"He is at the hospital right now having some tests and an appointment."

"Then the next time." Lou responded. "But you need to hear it from the professionals and not from an online forum."

Danny pursed his lips with contemplation. "You think Steve will let me go with him?"

"No. Probably not." He stood up. "But you two have never asked for each other's permission before, so…" he shrugged. "Why start now."

H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50

Steve sat on the edge of the bed with his legs hanging down. The bright fluro light seemed to sear into his already aching eyes and the coolness of the sterile room, with it's distinct smell, invaded almost every other sense.

The door opened and a woman appeared in her military uniform. Lieutenant Camryn Hurley was her name. Her long blond hair curled into a bun, her slender figure covered in fatigues and her skin was a warm brown with green piercing eyes and in her mid thirties. Steve's lips thinned.

"Commander." She smiled.

"Lieutenant." He answered with a warm yet surprised tone.

She walked over to him before they embraced. "It's so good to see you again."

Steve shook his head with disbelief. "How long has it been?"

She smiled. "Ah, it was the last time I was in Kabul, so that would be… 8 years ago."

"I had no idea you were stationed here."

"It's only happened in the past few weeks. I've been based at the LRMC for the past 18 months."

"Landstuhl, Germany." Steve nodded. "I know it well. I was there with an old CO a couple of years ago.

"Yeah it was a different experience, you know, a good compromise… not as taxing as battleground medical work, but slightly more interesting that dealing with everyday injuries on a base." She nodded. "Now I'm here, putting to use my specialist skills in oncology back to use and look what happens. I pulled the short straw and got you as a patient."

"You? You're going to be my doctor." Steve scoffed. "Should I ask what happened to Captain Lee?"

"He's still around… still overseeing your case but I'm going to be the more hands on of the two." She responded.

"If my memory serves me right, you were always more hands on."

She grinned. "Well that doesn't make me sound creepy or wildly inappropriate."

Steve laughed. "I'm just saying… you were always the one, without fail, that volunteered to go down range with the teams. I don't think I know of a single soldier on our deployment who wasn't sewn back together by you. Stitched me up a couple of times."

"I remember them all well. Such fun times." She smirked before turning her attention to his test results. "A little different this time though."

Steve's smile faded.

"Captain Lee briefed me on the story so far. You started the ML-509 trial at diagnosis?"

"Yeah."

She nodded as she sat down on the chair beside the bed. "And I can see that the test results over the past eight weeks have shown a steady decline in leukemic cells."

He shuffled nervously.

"But Steve, the results today show the decline has plateaued." She paused and looked at him. "In fact, there is a slight elevation in cancerous cells… it's minor… but it is not what we would expect to see if the treatment is working as it is expected to do."

"Okay, so what does that mean? What do we do?" Steve whispered. "Up the dose?"

She looked at him sympathetically. "It means that there is a high possibility that your body is essentially rejecting the treatment and its effects now." She paused. "Once that happens, it usually means that the treatment has become completely ineffective."

He exhaled and closed his eyes.

"I know that Captain Lee spoke to you about Chemotherapy…"

"Yeah, he did." Steve nodded before biting his lip. "But that was something I wasn't prepared to do unless I absolutely had to."

"Steve, the 509 is the only trial out there showing strong positive results. And it is the only one which is not used in conjunction with chemo treatment." She said gently. "Up until now it was obviously reversing the cell blasts to some degree, but like I said, these test results make us believe it's run its course." She paused. "If we were talking about a less aggressive cancer then I would be up to giving the treatment a little longer or trying something else… but we aren't. Both Captain Lee and I agree, given your situation, that Chemotherapy really needs to be the next step."

He winced with frustration. "When we discussed it, he said that it would be intensive chemo. That I would have to stay here while it was happening."

"Simply for the reasons that you are much more prone to infection under intense treatment. You can also experience some pretty heavy side effects, much sooner than regular treatment, and should have close supervision." She replied but could see that Steve was deeply troubled by this. "Look… I shouldn't be advertising this, but we can't force you to be admitted, and we can't deny the treatment… if you were to sign some forms that says you have an understanding of the risks… then you would be able to stay at home."

Steve's eyes brightened.

"I can request clearance to come by your place twice a day and check in on you. But… and this is something that I need you to promise me… if there is even a hint of infection or anything out of the norm… you're to come here straight away and you must be admitted."

"Understood." He nodded with agreement.

"It's will be intensive induction chemo which must be administered here… every day for one week, a combination of two drugs at high doses to kill the cancerous cells in your blood and bone marrow." She listed. "You'll need blood transfusions because your blood will not contain enough healthy cells. Once the first round is done you will have a couple of weeks off from the treatment before you start round two."

He winced with the thought.

"If you chose to go home we will prescribe a strong antibiotic in the hope it will prevent infections, but it's not a panacea, your immune system will be heavily compromised." She continued. "Ideally, we would like to get a central line in place. It's a quick procedure, done with a local anesthetic, but it is a god send when it comes to continuous blood tests and administering treatment."

Steve hesitated for a minute to give it some thought. _As if he had a choice_. He sighed. "When would I start?" he whispered, his voice expressing defeat.

"Captain Lee had already set everything in place in the event that this might happen." She answered encouragingly. "You just say the word and we can start this right now."

Again, he paused before gently nodding. "Okay." He whispered.

H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50

Steve stepped slowly to the front door and stopped before putting his key in the lock. It was late in the evening, dark and he was just trying to conjure enough strength for the inevitable 'discussion' that was going to happen once he got in the house. He paused, resting his head against the door for a moment. He didn't feel unwell, but he felt exhausted.

As he entered the house, he was immediately met with Danny sitting at the table with his phone in his hands. "Where the hell have you been?" he snapped at his best friend. "I've called you so many times in the pass 6 hours that even my cell phone hates you."

"I know, I'm sorry." Steve replied gently as he slowly walked over to him. "I got caught up."

"You got caught up? He shrugged with a question filled expression on his face. "Got caught up how?"

Steve propped himself against one of the chairs with straight arms. "I had to start a new treatment, and I couldn't answer my phone."

"New treatment?" Danny replied. "What type of treatment?"

"Danny… can we talk about this in the morning? I'm really tired."

"Okay. But could you just give me a watered-down version of the story, just to put my active imagination on pause?" Danny insisted.

Steve sighed. "I just got done having my first dose of chemo."

Danny frowned as his eyes thinned and he shook his head with confusion. "You said…"

"That I wasn't going to do it unless I had too." Steve finished his sentence. "We are officially in the 'had to' zone."

Danny's frown deepened but more with sympathy. "How do you feel?"

"Right now? I feel ok. Like I said, I'm tired but I'm not feeling any nausea." He answered. "That said, I have been assured that that is likely to change in a couple of hours, so… as much as I love you and I am sorry for worrying you… I need to get some sleep before that happens."

Danny nodded softly.

Steve turned and walked to the stairs.

"Yo, Steve…" he called out. "Do you need me to do anything?"

Steve smiled weakly but with meaning as he looked back to his best friend. "You're here… I don't need anything else." He replied genuinely.

H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50

Danny's eyes opened suddenly as he lay in bed. The room was pitch black other than the alarm clock, displaying 03:22 and the outline of the door from the light outside the bedroom. He had no idea what had woken him. It could have been a noise, it could have just been a dream, but now that he was awake he thought he should just check on Steve.

He got up and walked over to the door, quietly opening it and creeping down the mezzanine floor. Steve's door was slightly open and inside the room it was also dark. He pushed his way through, for a moment he allowed his eyes to adjust again and in the soft moonlight he could just make out Steve's empty bed. He frowned. "Steve?" he said softly as he looked around to the bathroom door off his room, the door was closed but the light was on. "Steve, you alright?" he called out again. No answer. "Hey…" he said as he cracked the door slowly and eventually stepped in. He exhaled loudly as he saw Steve propped up against the wall, his face almost transparent, the rings around his eyes were dark. He was asleep and motionless but clearly, he'd been there for some time. "Steve…" he said kneeling beside him and placing his hand on his friends' neck. "Hey…"

Steve gasped as he woke up, thinning his eyes as he focused on Danny.

"You've been throwing up?"

Steve cleared his throat. "I'm fairly confident" he swallowed loudly. "I literally have nothing left."

"Let's get you up and back to your bed." Danny patted him gently before standing up with Steve's hand clutched in his. "Come on."

"No…" he resisted. "I don't want to risk puking again."

"I'll get you a bucket." Danny hissed. "I'm not going to leave you here all night."

"I'm tired, Danny." He whispered as his best friend pulled him carefully to his feet and supported him.

"I know…" he answered as he guided him back to his bed. "Trust me, years of experience has shown me that sleeping on a bathroom floor is not a solution to fatigue management." He helped him down on to the bed and pulled the sheets over Steve. "You good?"

"Yeah." Steve grunted. "Awesome."

"Okay… here's your cell…" he placed the phone near his hand on the bed. "You need me then just call me, okay?"

"I got it." Steve responded wearily but with some wit.

Danny hovered. Should he be leaving Steve right now? In all fairness he had seen him in worse condition several times before, after long nights of drinking, but since this was not from alcohol it seemed hard to comprehend. He exhaled loudly and reminded himself that he was trying his best not to fuss too much. "Alright, babe. I'll see you in the morning." He whispered as he disappeared out of the room.


	3. Chapter 3

Thank you so much for all the feedback. It's been a while since i have written so i am a bit dusty. Cheers.

**Chapter 3**

_10 days later…_

Lou followed Danny through the house. "You look like crap." He observed helpfully.

"Yeah? You should see the other guy." Danny answered wryly, pointing up the stairs. "You want coffee?"

"Sure." Lou nodded. "So how's my man?"

Danny sighed. "He's okay. The doctor is up there with him now." He answered with reflection. "He's relieved the chemo round is done, but it's taken a toll on him."

"Heavy stuff, huh?"

"I don't know how anyone does it." Danny replied as he poured hot water into two cups. "I mean, Steve… he's strong… but this has sent him flying." He shook his head. "He's not been eating much. The first couple of nights he was throwing everything back up until they changed his anti-nausea meds." He sighed. "But apparently as long as he keeps drinking… they said he would be ok for a couple more days without intervention. Hopefully he gets his appetite back."

Grover closed his eyes.

"Last night he was so cold… like bone chilling cold. I have never seen someone shiver the way he did." He handed Lou his cup. "And his mind fogs up, he can't think straight which frustrates him. The doc said that's a side-effect of the treatment."

Lou's stomach started to churn for his friend. He hadn't seen him since the day in the alley and he could only imagine the physical effect the past week had had on Steve both physically and mentally, especially when he could see what it was doing to Danny.

"He's still Steve… and the guy we all know and love comes through." He sighed. "But he's a gigantic pain in the ass because he is still trying to do everything and doesn't want me to help so much."

"Danny, why don't you let one of us take over for a couple of days?" Grover said softly. "You're no good to him if you are exhausted yourself."

"No." Danny shook his head with certainty. "He wouldn't want too many people seeing him at his lowest points… Steve's always been guarded about showing his physical vulnerabilities and trust me, at 4am there are some lows." He thinned his lips. "I don't want to do that to him."

Lou opened his mouth to argue.

"Besides, I spoke to Junior this morning… that kid has been a god send over the past few days, facetiming Steve and talking about all things Navy… but he is flying back in from San Diego tonight, which will defiantly make things easier." Danny replied. "Steve's doctor said that the side effects from the treatment would start to subside now, so…. Things will change."

"Okay…" Lou replied helplessly.

"Good morning." Camryn said enthusiastically as she stepped in the kitchen.

Lou looked over to her.

"Ah, Lou… this is Lieutenant Hurley… Steve's doctor." Danny introduced. "Doc this is Captain Lou Grover, one of our team."

"Lieutenant, it's lovely to meet you." Grover reached out and shook her hand.

"Camryn… please." She answered softly.

"So, what's the score doc?" Danny asked.

"I take it you've seen him this morning?"

"I checked in on him, but he was asleep…" Danny nodded.

"Well, he's a lot better than he was yesterday." She replied encouragingly. "So much so I got him to come downstairs."

Danny raised his eyes and peered over her shoulder to see Steve sitting on the sofa. "How did you convince him to do that?"

"Military tradecraft." She nodded. "You just have to know how to talk to these Navy boys."

"You should stick with this girl, Danny." Lou pointed to the doctor. "He's been trying to learn how to do that for years."

"I can see that." She grinned. "But, listen, he's been talking about a party… get together… he was organizing." She shrugged.

Danny sighed. "Yeah, It's for a kid he looks out for. Nahele… it's his 21st. Steve started organizing it a couple of weeks ago."

"And it was to be held here?"

"Don't worry… Nahele knows the score and we're in the process of changing the venue." Danny nodded.

"Actually, if you guys can manage it, I think it would be good if it was here." She said cautiously before recognizing the confused looks on their faces. "Look… one thing that Steve will struggle with is not being in control, which is something he certainly isn't feeling right now… not being in control, in his mind, means that he thinks he is letting people down." She inhaled a deep breath. "I know that it won't be him setting things up and doing all the hard work, but I really do believe that it would be beneficial for his mental state right now."

"Well, it's not a problem Danny. A couple of phone calls and everyone's help, we can have this done. Leave it to us and we will get everything arranged." Lou said strongly.

Danny was reluctant but could understand her point of view. "Okay." He nodded.

"I should go…" she said looking at her watch. "But I'll be back tonight."

"Thanks doc." Danny said as he followed her out into the main room where Steve was sitting.

Lou started to follow but suddenly stopped when he saw Steve. His heart felt like, in that instant, it was shattered into a million pieces. He knew what he was expecting, but for a moment he had let his guard down. His friend's face was pale and drawn, his cheekbones prominent and the circles around his eyes were dark. What hit him the most was how frail he looked.

Steve was engaging with the doctor and Danny as they walked to the door and didn't seem to be distant emotionally, but he was a far cry from the healthy-looking man he was, even just a week ago. Grover quietly chastised himself, he needed to get a grip. He exhaled a deep breath before planting a warm and excided expression on his face. "There he is…"

"Lou… my man." Steve smiled.

Lou held out his hand and fist pumped Steve's before sitting on the coffee table in front of him.

"Steve…" Camryn said as she stepped out of the door and looked back. "Behave… okay?"

"Yes ma'am." He smirked.

"Listen man… you might be unlucky in some ways… but landing a woman like that looking after you." Lou whispered. "Damn."

Steve curled his mouth, amused by Grover's reaction. "Camryn and I go back some time."

Lou glared at him.

"Not that way." Steve rushed to correct.

"Well when you get better, and she is no longer your doctor, you better correct that." He nodded.

"Okay…" Danny sighed and clapped his hands. "You need anything?" he asked Steve.

"No." he answered softly. "Thanks Danny, I'm good."

"Sure." Danny nodded. "I have to call Rachel, so I'll leave you guys to it."

Steve's eyes floated down.

Lou noticed his reaction. "What's going on?" he whispered.

Steve hesitated. "I just wanted to come home… during the treatment. I couldn't handle staying in the hospital."

Lou nodded. He couldn't see the problem.

"But I didn't take into account what I would be putting Danny through."

"Let me tell you something. Danny wouldn't be anywhere else right now." Lou responded with conviction. "And even if he wasn't staying here while all this went down, do you think for one moment he wouldn't have forced his way through the door?"

"I know…" Steve nodded as he looked down at his hands. "Doesn't make me feel any less selfish or burden."

"You know, I get it, Steve… You have a tendency for being the protector. You are the guy who likes to fix things when they are broken. You bring everyone together." He paused. "You've been doing that for much longer than I have known you. I can name a hundred names, off the bat, that you have supported and helped over the years." He sighed and shrugged. "So now it's you that needs that support. Guess what? They are all right here wanting to give you that." He shook his head, almost angrily that Steve could even entertain such feelings. "You are not, and never will be, a burden on anyone."

Steve nodded gently, but it didn't mean he believed it.

H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50

Steve rested his head back on the sofa as he intermittently watched the TV flicker silently between closing his eyes. It was around 8pm and Camryn had left a short while ago.

Danny walked from the kitchen. "Grace is coming back for the weekend, so she and Charlie will be here for Nahele's party."

Steve looked up at him, his heart started to pound. It occurred to him that people were going to see him. It wasn't lost on him that he was not looking the best, even he was shocked when he looked in the mirror.

"You alright?" Danny asked as he dipped his head.

"You think it's a good idea? Grace or Charlie seeing me right now?"

"Yeah I think it's a good idea." He nodded sternly. "Because not seeing you is worrying them more."

"I don't know, Danny." He said with protest.

"Well that's okay. I went to the store earlier, got a paper bag that should be your size… cut a couple of holes in it and problem fixed." He answered mockingly.

Steve's lips thinned.

"You wanna go to bed? I'll help you up."

"No, I'm waiting for Junior to come home."

Danny nodded before there was a knock at the door. "This might be him now." he said as he headed over and pulled the door open, he stood still, frozen by the visitor.

"Hey Danny." Catherine said cautiously.

Danny glanced back over to Steve before stepping out onto the porch and closing the door slightly behind him. "What are you doing here?"

"Lou… told me what was happening." She paused. "I had some time off owing to me, and I wanted to see him."

Danny winced with frustration.

"I'm not here to rock the boat, Danny." She whispered.

He hesitated before nodding and letting her in the house.

Steve had his eyes closed, the side of his head and face now nestled into the back of the chair.

Catherine took one look at him before looking back to Danny with concern.

Danny had his arms crossed but offered her an encouraging expression. "He's awake, the lights irritate him sometimes. It's either that or he is ignoring me."

She sat down next to him and touched his hand. "Steve… it's Cath."

Steve's eyes opened and he lifted his head, allowing to focus on the woman's face. His expression softened. "Cath…"

She felt relief and familiarity when she saw those warm green eyes. "Hey…" she whispered softly.

He straightened himself, looking around with confusion and surprise. "What are you doing here? Is it work?"

"No. Not this time." She shook her head and smiled.

Junior pushed through the door with his fatigues on and a heavy bag flung over his shoulder.

"Haaayyy." Danny cheered out and walked over.

Junior dropped the floor to the ground and gave him a hug.

"What's happening, man?" Danny continued.

"Not a whole lot." He answered with a smile before heading over to Catherine and leaning down to kiss her on the cheek. "Just glad to be home."

"I'm glad you are home too." Steve replied as they embraced gently.

"I got that SEAL team tee you've been trying to get your hands on as well." Junior nodded.

"Thanks man." Steve nodded. "How was the journey?"

"It was long, uncomfortable, noisy." He smiled. "Everything we know and love from a C-17, right?" he shrugged. "But it all makes it worth it when you get your first glimpse of Diamond Head and Waikiki."

"Did you stop past Tani's?" Steve questioned.

"No. But I called her and we said we'd see each other in the morning." Junior nodded.

"You want a beer?" Danny asked.

"I would love one." He answered before the pair disappeared into the kitchen.

"How long are you back for?" Steve asked Catherine softly.

She sighed. "A while." She nodded. "That's if you want me here."

"Are you serious?" He answered.

"Danny isn't too sure."

"Danny's been through a lot in the past couple of weeks… with me and without me." Steve replied. "He's protective… and he's tired… you just have to give him some time."

"I know…" she whispered as she ran her hands through his hair.

Danny and Junior walked out into the garden with beers in their hands.

"So, Catherine is back." Junior started.

"Yep." Danny nodded.

"And judging by your reaction, you're not happy about it."

"I just don't know what she is trying to achieve here." Danny answered. "Is she back as a friend or is she aiming for more? And whatever the answer to that is, does Steve know." He paused. "I don't want him thinking there is more to her being here than there really is."

"I get it." Junior answered. "But I could see how his eyes were lit up. Totally different to yesterday when I saw him on the phone."

"I don't disagree." Danny admitted with defeat. "But what if she does her famous disappearing act when he really expects her to be there?"

Junior sighed. "I guess we are just going to have to deal with that if it happens."

H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50

Danny and Junior had escaped to bed a short time after they had finished their beer, leaving Steve and Catherine on the sofa together. They had sat there for some time in silence. Catherine mirroring Steve as they rested their faces against the back of the chair.

She studied his face, every single line, scar and blemish in his skin as he slept soundly. She had done it so many times before, when they were together, but she had never seen him as drained as he was right now. It was frightening. He had wrapped his hand around hers tightly when she first sat down and, although his grip had weakened, she didn't want to pull away.

As much as she loved what she loved her job, she still had a massive part of her heart that wouldn't belong anywhere else but here… with him. For all the sadness that had happened in this house, for her it was a safe place filled with incredible warmth.

His lips thinned into a gentle smile.

"What?" she asked.

"I can feel you watching me." He whispered.

"I wasn't watching you." She scoffed. "I was looking forward and you just happened to be in the way."

His eyes opened. There they were again, those beautiful green eyes that were walled by his long, but thinned, eyelashes.

"I'm sorry about your mom, Steve."

His eyes widened before floating down. He swallowed the lump that had formed in the back of his throat. "I still have trouble believing it happened." He replied painfully.

Her frown deepened. He could see the utter heartache in his expression. She knew how much it had to hurt.

"I wish you had have reached out. I would have been there with you." Catherine answered.

"It wouldn't have changed anything, Cath." He replied. "At least that's what I keep telling myself." He cleared his throat. As much as he wanted to talk to her about it, he just couldn't bring himself to. That would have to be for another day. "Where are you staying?"

"A friends rental, in the Ilikai." She answered, totally taking his lead for the change in subject.

"Nice." He whispered.

She nodded slightly before smiling. "You need to get some rest." She shuffled on the seat.

"No, wait… Cath…" he whispered, reaching out for her. "Just stay a little longer, okay? Please."

She smiled warmly at him before settling back into position. "Okay. But I am leaving you explain this to Danny."


	4. Chapter 4

_Four days later…_

Steve's progress had been good in the past few days and he seemed more upbeat than he had in a while, but Danny had to concede that most of it was likely to do with having Catherine around. The only real drawbacks was the fatigue and headaches, which seemed to be excruciating at times but manageable for the most part.

The tables were spread with food, the music was playing, small lanterns hung in the tropical air as the sun melted into the ocean. Kamekona, Flipper, Nahele, Duke, his wife Nalani, Lou and Renee were sitting to one side while Junior, Tani, Jerry, Quin, Eric, Grace and Noelani stood in a group closer to the house as Charlie threw a ball for Eddie.

Danny closed the refrigerator door in the kitchen, beer in his hand, and looked out to the main room to see Camryn coming down the stairs. "Yo, doc… you're done for the night. Come and have a drink." he called out.

She smiled as she exhaled. "I would, but this…" she pointed. "This if for your ohana. And besides… I'm not in appropriate attire." She said as she brushed her hand down.

"Are you kidding? You look like one of Steve's ideal pin up girls right now." Danny answered as he neared her.

She laughed.

"No, seriously. I know he would like to see you stay and we would very much like that too." Danny nodded. "Your part of the family now whether you like it or not."

She slumped her shoulders in defeat. "I have a sweater in the car… I can at least wear that."

"That you can do." He nodded. "How's Steve?"

"He was trying to pick out a shirt. You may need to go up there and help him." She replied.

"The headaches?" he said as he walked her to the door.

"I've given him some meds to control them tonight… it could still be a side effect from the treatment… but I think it's something we should look into tomorrow, just to rule out anything else." She nodded.

"Okay." Danny nodded before climbing the stairs and reaching the door. "What are you doing?"

Steve ripped off another shirt with frustration. "What does it look like?" He answered.

"Listen, the party is downstairs, babe. And no one expects you to look like Brad Pitt." Danny continued.

"Nothing fits, Danny." He growled.

"Everything fits… it's just a little lose." He frowned with disbelief. _Why is he worrying?_ He knew Steve had been overly concerned about people's attention, especially worrying the kids, but Danny thought he had alleviated that. "Listen, I thought bringing Grace and Charlie here this morning would have helped take the pressure off you tonight."

"And it has." Steve nodded.

"But now you're worried about a shirt?"

"Okay…" he answered impatiently, although when Danny put it like that it did seem stupid.

"What's going on with you?" Danny frowned.

"I'm fine." He hissed before softening his expression. "I don't know… I'm just…" he stopped short of answering. He inhaled. "Is Nahele here?"

"Everyone is here, except Catherine… she texted me to say she was stuck in traffic and that she would be about 30 minutes late." He shrugged.

Steve nodded as he slipped a tee over his head. "I know you have some doubts about her Danny. But she is trying to do the right thing."

"I know…" Danny nodded as he folded his arms. "And I will admit that this time, for the first time in a long time, she has been good for you." He answered. "But I just don't want you expecting much."

"What would I be expecting?" Steve shrugged.

"I don't know exactly?" he answered. "Her to stick around, move in… get married… have a family."

"So, nothing specific." Steve answered sarcastically.

Danny raised his arms in surrender. "I won't mention it again."

"I know you're trying to protect me, and I love you for that." Steve whispered. "But there are no expectations…"

"That is good news." Danny nodded, though not convinced.

"Just, please… give her a chance… that's all I'm asking."

"Sure." Danny nodded.

"Come on…" Steve said as he patted his best friend on the chest.

Steve walked into the yard, smart black pants and a black tee with and was received with a round of applause. He was embarrassed by the attention but was appreciative.

Nahele stood up and walked over to him, giving him a big hug. "Thank you so much for this." He said softly.

"Hey look, it's been a massive joint effort." Steve answered.

"Well it really means a lot."

Steve hugged him again before hugging the rest of the group.

"Who's the brunette?" Quin asked Tani as she clutched her beer.

"The one sitting with Kamekona?"

"Yeah."

"That's Catherine." She answered. "Steve's ex."

"Catherine Rollins?" Quin hurried to confirm. "Are they still tight?"

"I mean, I don't really know. From my experience she seems to turn up and then she leaves."

"Then why is she here?"

"If you ask Lou, she is here to support Steve…" Tani nodded

"Okay."

"And if you ask Danny… actually… It's probably best not to ask Danny."

"The plot thickens." Quin replied.

"Speech! Speech! Speech!" a collective chant started before Nahele stood up awkwardly.

Grace was standing behind Steve's chair with her arms wrapped around his shoulders as Charlie was watching him finish a magic trick.

Nahele moved to stand in front of everyone, blushing as he clutched a bottle. "I'm not really any good at speeches." He said nervously. "But…" he paused. "I've never had a party to celebrate a birthday. I didn't have the kind of parents that really gave a damn. It's fair to say, up until I was 17, my life was headed in a very different direction." He paused and grinned at Steve. "And then I stole a car."

Steve smiled and the rest laughed.

"It was the worst, and best mistake I have ever made. Of all the luck, I managed to steal off the one cop on the island, who was going to make it a full-blown mission to find the thief… and he did." He nodded to Steve. "I remember being picked up by HPD and brought to this office that looked nothing like a police station. And this scary looking dude walked in, I could see there was anger in his eyes, and he presented an unsigned report, one he said that he would submit if I didn't get my life turned around."

"He stole Steve's car?" Quin whispered.

"Yeah, and it was the Marquis." Tani answered.

"And yet he's still alive?" Quin frowned with disbelief.

Nahele shuffled on his feet and looked down. "He believed that I could do it. And not only did he believe in me… he gave me a new family and each one of you has accepted me as well." He nodded. "I can't begin to thank all of you for everything, but most of all to Steve… for having me arrested that day and every day that has followed."

Steve's heart gushed with pride. This was a kid that started out stealing and living on the streets but was now working his way through school to become a mechanic, whilst still working with Kamekona.

They gave a rousing round of applause as Nahele hurried back to his seat and received pats on the back.

"That kid landed on his feet." Lou nodded. "It could have been anyone that day, but it was McGarrett."

"So, you knew Steve before, right ma'am?" Junior asked Camryn.

She smiled. She'd insist he call her by her first name but had been warned that didn't sit right with Junior. "Yeah, we were on the same base twice in Kabul and once in Kandahar."

"And was he a reckless son of a bitch then?" Lou asked.

"More than most, less than some." She nodded with a smile. "He was more calculated with what he did… and it paid off most of the time."

"Calculated? What the hell happened?" Lou scoffed.

Danny looked over to see Catherine on the phone by the beach. He set his drink down on the small table to his side and stood up. Walking over.

"I understand sir, but if I could just explain." She said sternly, no idea he was within ears reach. She was evidently cut off by the caller. "Of course, I'll be there tomorrow." She said as she hung up.

"Be where tomorrow?" Danny asked carefully.

Catherine spun around with surprise. She sighed and closed her eyes, pushing her phone in her back jean pocket.

Danny knew exactly what was coming just by her expression. "I see."

"Danny…" she started cautiously.

"You know what? Just go… just go Cath and don't come back." Danny snapped.

"It'll be a week tops, Danny." She insisted. "Something has come up and I can't say no."

"It doesn't matter if it's one week or one year… this is why I didn't want you coming back into his life just to walk out of it again." He pushed. "What happens when something else comes up in a week and you can't say no? Huh?"

Catherine looked down, avoiding eye contact with him.

"You do this every time. You come back in, you screw things up with his emotions and then you walk right back out again. Just like Doris did and look how that ended."

"You say it like I want to hurt him." She argued.

"I have no idea what you want, Cath." He shook his head. "But what I do know is that you have a history of not giving a damn about what he wants."

Her eyes welled with tears. That couldn't be further from the truth.

"It is bad enough that he has been living with your ghost for years… that he can't bring himself to commit to anyone because in some part of his mind he really believes you will come back." He continued bitterly. "Its worse that he has made it to this stage in his life, when all he wanted was a relationship with someone he loved and a family… and he couldn't bring himself to try." He snapped.

She glared at Danny, now the tears started to stream and her heart broke. The conversations they had had since she left, he had never even indicated that he was still stuck in time.

"Every time you come back you set him back again." He growled bitterly.

"Danny, I don't want to go." She cried softly. "But I have orders."

"Yeah, well, I'm serious Cath. You go now, you make sure you never come back unless it's for good."

"Woo, woo, woo… what's going on?" Tani said as she interrupted.

"Nothing. I've said what I needed to say." Danny replied before walking away.

Catherine stood still, looking out into the darkness of the night with tears streaming down her face. It was only a little to do with Danny's anger but more to do with what he'd revealed.

"Come here…" Tani said softly as she hugged Catherine.

"Where did Steve go?" Junior asked the group as he looked around back in the yard. "He needs to see this video from two of his old team members." He said as he clutched his phone in his hand.

Danny swigged his beer before leaning against the back of Grace's chair.

"He went back inside, said he needed some tablets for the pain in his head." Grace whispered subtly to her dad.

Danny sighed. "Ah. I'll be back." He said before walking towards the house.

"I need another beer." Junior said to the group as he stood up. "Anyone else?"

"I'll take one." Lou nodded.

Danny stepped into the kitchen and placed his beer bottle on the counter. "Steve?" he said as he moved some items in the kitchen draw and produced a medication bottle. "Steve, I got them right here." He clenched them in his hand and walked out into the main living area. His eyes widened as he saw his best friend face down on the floor. He dropped the pills and ran over. "Steve?" he placed his hand on his back but there was no response.

"Danny, do you want me to grab a beer for you too?" Junior could be heard from the kitchen.

"Junior!" he yelled out. "Steve… Steve, come on." He pushed as he turned him onto his side.

"What happened?" Junior said as he stood over the pair.

"Get Camryn." Danny snapped before Junior sprinted out. "Steve… you got to wake up buddy."

Steve's eyes opened only just a fraction, they seemed heavy and more than just an involuntary reaction rather than a responsive one.

"Steve…" Danny continued. His voice fraught with concern but his voice filled with encouragement. "That's it… open your eyes."

His eyes became wider, but his stare was empty. Danny had seen it only once before, and that was when he found him on the cold, wet floor of the warehouse when he'd killed Wo Fat. There was nothing. Nothing at all.

Camryn and Junior rushed in and before she had a chance to get a closer look, she had seen all she needed to for her first instruction. "Call an Ambulance." She said to Junior.

Junior reached his phone out of his pocket and dialed.

"Danny…?" Camryn continued as she knelt next to them.

"Uh…" Danny started but his mind was racing, and he was visibly distressed. "He told my daughter he had a headache. I came in to check on him, and I found him like this."

"Steve…" Camryn called out as she checked his eyes. "Can you hear us? Squeeze my hand if you can." She placed hers in his and waited. _Nothing._

Danny frowned with hopelessness.

"Okay, they're on their way." Junior nodded as he joined them.

"What's wrong with him?" Danny asked, trying to fight back the swell of emotions he could feel rising rapidly. He lifted both arms up, his hands flat on his head.

"Danny… come on…" Junior said softly as he grabbed his arm gently. Just trying to remove him slightly but Danny wanted none of it.

Steve's glaze seemed to deepen, if possible, and his body tensed up. His body started to shake. At first it was likened to the shiver that Danny had seen a few times but then it became violent.

"Steve?" Danny said as he put his hand on his friends' shoulder but not with any force. "What's happening?"

"He's seizing." Camryn answered.

Tani, Lou, Quin and Junior watched helplessly as Steve was placed on the gurney and the EMT's completed everything they needed to do before he was to be transported. The others remained outside, aware and disturbed by what was going on but eager to keep Charlie shielded from the events, give those inside some space and Steve some dignity.

Tears cut a watery path over Tani's cheeks before she nestled her face into Juniors shoulder. The young SEAL stood staunch with no excess emotion except concern and disbelief. Lou was shaking his head, his eyes wide with devastation and Quin's concentration was held on Danny who was leaning up against the wall, his head in his hands and his knees up against his chest.

Camryn walked over to the group as the EMT's wheeled the gurney out. "I'm going in the ambulance with him." She whispered before looking over to Danny. "Is there anyone able to drive him to Tripler?"

"I can." Quin answered.

"We'll all go." Lou added.

"I know that you want to be close to him right now." She started. "But until we find out what's going on, we will be running tests." Camryn shook her head sympathetically. "There's not much point in all of you being there whilst that's happening."

Lou nodded reluctantly, he knew it was sensible but it still didn't sit right.

"Danny…" Quin whispered as she knelt next to him. "Come on… we'll follow."

Danny raised his head, his eyes red and puffy and his expression heartbroken.

"Come on…" she repeated gently.

"Where's Catherine?" Junior whispered to Tani as he looked around.

Tani squeezed her eyes together. "She left about twenty minutes ago."

"We should call her." He replied firmly.

"No. Junes… not right now. We should wait until we know more." She answered.

H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50

The sun was starting to rise as Danny and Quin sat in the open family room of the hospital. It had been over seven hours since Steve had been brought in. Danny had sunk himself back into a sofa as soon as he'd got there. He hadn't talked, he hadn't moved and really hadn't shown any hints on what was going through his head. He just knew, from when Grace was there, that pacing and venting made no difference on how quick he would get answers.

Quin looked out through the wide windows and watched the world go by in the distance. She had decided, on the car ride over, that she would let Danny open up if and when he wanted too and in his own time.

Around 2am Camryn had confirmed Steve had suffered from a seizure, something which they already knew, but wouldn't go any further. A quick run down of all the tests they planned to do which sounded longer than Sang Min's rap sheet and really didn't draw any of Danny's attention.

"Hey guys." Camryn said softly as she walked in, flicking a glance at Quin.

"Ma'am." Quin nodded respectfully.

Danny shot to his feet, pushing his hands into his back pockets. His mouth open with anticipation.

The doctor hesitated; she hated these moments. It never ever got easier and now it was even more hard given the personal side to the situation. "I'm afraid it's not good news." She said softly and frowned with sympathy.

Danny looked to Quin, he winced, silently looking to her to fix whatever was coming.

H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50

Danny rested his hand against the handle of the room. This was going to be one of the hardest moments in his life thus far, but certainly not the last. His eyes were red and puffy, anyone could tell he'd been not just crying but absolutely beside himself. Still he'd pulled enough strength from a place he didn't know he had to get to this moment now.

Camryn stood next to him, she had no intentions of rushing him, he wanted to do this right. He wanted to show strength.

Danny pushed his way into the room and closed the door behind him quietly. The room was darkened but not pitch black and a small light softly illuminated around his friends' upper body as he lay motionless on the bed with his eyes closed and his hands down by his side.

Steve's skin was ashen, but it eased Danny's nerves somewhat by seeing how peaceful he appeared at first. Then it came, the rush of panic and disbelief he felt as his emotions surge. His eyes filled with tears and his face grimaced. He held back from advancing any further, trying with all his might to quell the soft whimpers that escaped him involuntarily. He cupped his hand over his mouth, pressing his index finger so hard against his top lip just to cause him some pain in the hope that it would distract his mind. It worked, kind of, enough for him to swallow the lump in his throat and wipe away his fresh tears.

He continued to the side of the bed and sat down, closing his eyes. He didn't want to be here. He didn't want to be doing this. _How? How could this have happened_. He braced himself before reaching out to Steve's still hand and grabbed it. "Buddy…"

Steve opened his eyes gently before turning his head towards the sound of his partners voice. His lips thinned into a week smile.

"You had us worried." He nodded, gasping out the words more than talking them.

"I'm so sorry." Steve replied softly.

_Sorry! What the hell did he have to be sorry for? _"No. You don't have to be sorry." Danny whispered caringly. "It was nothing." He smiled warmly. "Nobody noticed anyway… the party went on." He said with a weak attempt of wit, but it was delivered with an irrepressible tone of sadness.

Still, Steve offered him a genuine chuckle before squeezing his eyes closed with the pain and letting out a sharp breath. His head pushing back into the pillow and tensing his body.

Danny's face creased as he rocked in his chair. He was so angry, shocked and upset it was almost impossible to handle.

Steve's expression relaxed and his eyes opened, again making contact with his partner. "I'm dying, Danny." He whispered, other than a single tear that fell from the corner of his eye, there was nothing else.

Danny nodded gently, grabbing Steve's arm tightly. "I know, buddy." He answered painfully but sucking everything in. He promised he would be strong, and it was a promise he intended to keep. "I know…"


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

Quin stood up as Tani, Junior and Lou hurried into the hospital family room. Her demeanor said a lot but didn't tell the full story.

Lou stepped over with the others behind him, he had his arms out and shrugged. "What's the news?" he asked.

Quin took a moment to gain her composure and her breath. She hesitated as she gathered the words she needed to say. "The blood vessels in Steve's brain are inflamed."

Lou's head tilted with disbelief.

The Sargent shuffled on her feet anxiously. "The pressure, from the inflammation, caused the seizure."

Tani frowned.

"Lieutenant Hurley said it could have been caused by the Leukemia." Quin replied softly. "But it also could have been a side effect of the trial treatment he was undergoing before the chemo."

"How do they fix it?" Junior asked.

Quin held her breath for a moment. "They are stabilizing the swelling with steroids for now, he has muscle weakness and some minor problems with his vision, but they hope that might subside with the meds." She said nodded gently. "But the amount of Prednisone that they can give him is only a band-aid, it can't be ongoing, it heightens his risk of infections or further swelling of the blood vessels." She paused. "Unfortunately, that's not all… the results of the bone marrow biopsy and blood tests showed an increase of abnormal white blood cells again."

Junior frowned. "Which means?"

"That the Leukemia is still there, the remission induction therapy didn't work." Quin whispered.

"Okay…" Tani nodded optimistically. "So, what's the plan of attack?" she said with a hint of naivety.

Quin closed her eyes for a moment before pushing her hands in her pockets. "There isn't one, Tani. All they can do right now is try and make him as comfortable as he can be and bide him a little more time." She whispered and shook her head with sorrow. "Steve's body is basically rejecting, or not strong enough, to handle any of the treatments that would give him a chance to survive either condition."

Lou thinned his lips with despair.

"I don't…" Tani looked around to all of them. "I don't understand." She did in some ways, but she wouldn't allow her or anyone else to just accept what was being insinuated.

"It means he's done." Lou said angrily, although he wasn't trying to take his frustration out on her.

Tani creased her face and shook her head. "What are you talking about? She scoffed. "No. There has to be another option."

Junior's eyes drifted down with sadness, though he chose to accept the cold, hard truth that had been presented.

Tani saw both the men's looks on their faces but still she wasn't capable of their acceptance. "There is another option, right?" Tani pleaded with hopelessness. "Right?" She snapped, hoping that would compel someone to give some words of hope. But it didn't.

Lou spun around, smacking his closed fist against the wall.

Quin felt like she was still an outsider, she guessed that came with the territory of being the last one to join the team, but even in this moment it felt so horribly true. She was telling a close group of people that they were going to lose the one person who held them together and she felt she had no right to feel the sadness as much as they felt it. But she did. Every single ounce of it. "I'm so sorry." She whispered, shaking her head again with regret and holding back the pool of tears welling in her eyes.

Tani's eyes also filled with tears as she glared at Quin. That was it. That was the moment she had to accept what was being said.

Lou composed himself and turned back to Quin. "How long?"

Quin paused; this would be another hard one to deliver. "They can't say for sure. The blood vessel's are not only swollen, but the walls in some are weakened. He could have a catastrophic bleed, at any time, or it could be the effects of the leukemia. It could be days; it could be weeks." She said softly.

H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50

Lou had convinced Danny to go down to the cafeteria with Junior. Grover had been truly amazed by Danny's strength and interaction with Steve thus far as he'd held his composure during some difficult conversations. That said he knew that Danny felt like he was holding his breath, scared to breath in case he dropped the ball and allowed his emotions to simmer over.

It was somewhat true, as soon as Danny started to walk back with Junior, clutching a large coffee that he had no intentions of starting much less finishing, he exhaled as his eyes started to well again.

Junior said nothing. _What could he say? Everything would be alright? But it wasn't going to be alright._

"Just give me a minute." Danny whispered as he sat down on one of the generic hospital chairs that lined the hallway. He inhaled and exhaled some heavy breaths, his surroundings seemed to be spinning around him. Truth be told, every fiber in his body was telling him he couldn't do this, that he couldn't go back up there and keep his charade going. But his heart was telling him he had to.

"We are going to do everything we can for him. Okay?" Junior said encouragingly.

Danny glanced at his young college, he saw how genuine and together Junior was and found himself drawing strength from him. "Yeah."

"You got this, Danny." Junior nodded with reassurance in his eyes.

H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50

Lou had been sitting by Steve's side, quietly brimming with pure rage against whatever higher power there was and what it was about to take from them. Steve had been sleeping since he'd entered the room and he was thankful for that. He wanted the height of his emotions to be done before he was to engage with his friend.

As the anger subsided slowly, it was replaced by feelings of helplessness, incredible sadness and an anxiety he had never experienced before. He sank back into the chair, resting his elbow against the arm, closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose with his thumb and index finger. After a minute or so he pulled his hand away and opened his eyes to see Steve with his eyes open slightly.

His body language switched, leaning forward with a compassionate smile and resting his hand on Steve's arm. "Hey…"

"Lou…" He whispered, his eyes straining to stay both open and focus but the vision in his left eye was a lot more blurred than his right.

"Yeah, its me." He said softly. "How are you feeling?"

Steve closed his eyes and gave it some thought. "Tired." He whispered. "But the headache is better."

"That's good…" Lou whispered. "That means the meds are working."

"Hey, did Danny leave?" He scanned his eyes around the room.

Lou let out an involuntary chuckle. "Not a chance in hell." He scoffed. "He just went for some air."

Steve's lips thinned weakly into a faint smile but there was clear concern. "He needs to go home, Lou. He's been here all night." He said softly.

"I know." Grover nodded. "I tried to convince him, but you know that aint never gonna happen."

He thinned his lips with frustration before a thought came to him. "Catherine?"

Lou straightened with unease. "Tani and Junior have been trying to call her, but her phones turned off." He answered, hopefully that explanation would not only satisfy him, but buy them some time.

Steve frowned, his eyes floating away from Lou's face, clearly contemplating the situation and what this could mean.

"She left before things took a turn last night." Grover added, eager to assure him that her going MIA was not to do with his health. "She wouldn't have known what happened or else I know she'd be right here with you."

He looked to Grover, his eyes filled with sadness. "I don't remember anything about last night."

"It doesn't matter." He answered reassuringly. "None of that matters right now."

But it did matter. It mattered to Steve. As far as he was concerned that was the last night that he would have in his house, with almost all of the people he loved the most, and it had been robbed from his mind.

H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50

It was mid afternoon when Danny walked into the room with a small bag in his hand. "Some clothes… Tani grabbed them."

Steve frowned with confusion.

"Unless you would rather walk to the car with your ass hanging out of that gown?" Danny nodded.

His frown deepened. "Danny…" he shook his head. "I'm not coming home. I thought Camryn said that she talked to you about this?"

"Yes she did. She told me what plan A was." Danny nodded. "A rather stupid plan A, I might add. But I didn't rate it, so we are going to plan B."

"I don't know what plan B is, Danny… and I always know what plan B is… because I usually create plan B as well as plan A and plan C." Steve replied, weakly mocking his best friend.

"Well, it's a simple plan B… it involves me taking you home and keeping you there." He answered.

"That's your plan B?" Steve raised his eyes.

"No, it's the only plan. It's plan A right through to Z." Danny argued.

"Danny…" Steve started with protest.

"Just listen to me." He interrupted. "I know everything you're going to say. That you feel like you put everything on me when you had your treatment… I got it." He nodded. "But we all know the score… we all know what's coming…" he paused and inhaled. "And if there is ever a time when we need you to just shut up and listen to us, it's now."

Steve glared at him.

"For the past 10 years I have followed you blindly into every conceivable situation. You have always been the first through the door, you've always been the one to put your own happiness and life last and you are always, without fail, making the hard decisions and seeing them through without ever once asking us to do any of it." He paused. "And don't get me wrong, I thank you from the bottom of my heart for being that guy." He paused as he looked down. "But Steve… you are here right now because of one of those moments."

This memory was vivid in Steve's mind. He knew damn well when he strapped the car battery to his torso that it was never going to save him. He knew, in that moment, that his fate was likely sealed and what the consequences would be. But there was absolutely no way he would ever allow Danny to do it. Aside from having two kids he needed to be there for, Steve could never forgive himself if Danny was in this position now.

"That day, you made a huge sacrifice. You did that for me." He shrugged. "Now I'm doing what I can to repay you. I am taking you home. And it's not much in the scheme of things… but I'm doing it."

Steve was reluctant but if he was honest, his heart swelled with utter happiness. This was the very last place he would want to spend his final days. He wanted to be home, he wanted to be in a place he loved and was familiar with. But, and it was a massive 'but', how could allow Danny to go through this?

"Junior wholeheartedly agrees that this is not the place for you to be at, as does Camryn." Danny continued. "Tani, Lou and Quin… they're 100% in, in fact they are at the house right now making things a little easier…"

"Danny, you don't owe me anything…" Steve whispered. "Especially this… Because it's not going to be easy. I'm going to change…" he said pointing to his head. "I might not know what I'm doing. What if I lash out and hurt you, or anyone else… Grace or Charlie?"

"Look… you trust me, right?"

Steve glared at Danny before exhaling. "You know I do."

"So then trust me to take care of this."

Steve's eyes filled with tears.

"Just say yes…" Danny pleaded. "Would you, please? Because I actually lied… I do have a plan C but it involves chloroform and kidnap which I would rather not do."

Steve laughed softly before pausing for what seemed like an eternity. "We can give it a try."

"Look at that." Danny smiled. "You finally let me run point. I love it."

"Just pass me my clothes before I change my mind." Steve sneered.

H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50

Danny helped Steve through the door of the house and guided him over to the sofa, gently lowering him down. Just the short walk from the car to here was enough to exhaust him, but as he focused on the room he could see that there were some items by the back windows which weren't usually there. In fact, the place was a mess.

"What the hell happened?" Steve asked.

"What?" Danny replied with confusion.

"It looks like a violent home invasion has taken place while we were out."

Junior and Lou came out of Steve's bedroom, onto the mezzanine, and shuffled down the stairs with a mattress.

"I said they were here moving things to make it easier for you." Danny replied.

"We thought it would be better if we moved you down here." Junior confirmed. "You got an uninterrupted the view of the ocean."

"It makes sense." Steve nodded. "Thank you."

"Listen…" Danny said softly as he sat down next to Steve. "We need to talk about Mary."

Steve sighed and closed his eyes.

"I called her first thing this morning… she'll be here in a couple of hours."

"You told her?" Steve dropped his head back on the sofa like a 8 year old.

"What were you going to do, Steve? Write her a letter?"

"I mean…" he lifted his head to look at him. "I hadn't thought about it, but the last thing she needs is to be here."

"I disagree. This is exactly where she needs to be." Danny argued. "You are the last of her family, Steve. Put yourself in her shoes… she didn't get to say goodbye to your dad, your mom or Joe… she doesn't want the same to happen with you."

Steve's eyes burnt into his friend. Just those words were enough to send him spinning. The realization that Mary was going to be alone with Joanie as her only family. That she was going to have to deal with this by herself. "Danny… do me a favor."

"Anything."

"Keep in contact with Mary after…" his voice trailed off.

Danny could feel the lump in his throat form and his stomach churned. They had conversations like this before, but never where it had so much finality. "You know I will." He whispered.

Steve sank back into the chair, his arms dropping to his side and his eyes closing. His face winced slightly with pain.

"You wanna sleep for a bit?" Danny asked.

"Yeah…" he whispered.

"Okay…" Danny nodded. "Love you buddy." He said softly, it was a natural response for him now. He now knew that at any moment it could be the last time Steve would hear his voice and so for that reason he would say it constantly.

"Love you too, pal… and thank you." Steve replied.

Danny's face flickered with sadness before reaching for a blanket and laying it over his best friends slight frame.

H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50

Danny sat on the grass with his legs hanging down onto the sand with a beer in his hands as he watched the waves gently lapped the sand. It was early evening and, for the most part, the day seemed to have been a whirlwind. He was going to take this small opportunity to have a moment to himself.

That moment was short lived, however, when he felt a presence behind him and there was only one person it could be. He turned his head slightly but not enough to make eye contact as Junior sat down next to him.

"Everything is set up." Junior started.

"Thank you." Danny replied genuinely. "Steve?"

"He's still out." Junior nodded.

"Okay…" he whispered.

The pair sat in easy silence for a little while before Junior plucked up the courage to ask Danny some tough questions. "Hey Danny… Just so I'm clear, what do we expect?" The rookie asked carefully. "From here on in?"

Danny sighed as he shook his head and shrugged. "Expect anything and everything."

Junior turned to Danny before his eyes floated down.

"Steve's biggest concern is not being able to control mood swings and agitation. That'll probably happen when they stop the steroids and the swelling on his brain happens again."

"He's worried he will hurt someone?" Junior frowned.

"Yeah, but its not just physical…" Danny replied before sighing. "He's worried he might say things. He doesn't want us to remember him like that or end up hating him because he said something hurtful."

"We all understand and that's never going to happen."

"That's what I told him." Danny nodded. "The only way I could convince him leaving was not a problem was to tell him that if things started to get tough, we'd take him back."

"But you're not going to do that." Junior questioned.

"No."

"He's going to get weaker though."

"Yeah… and he needs to be watched. He's not going to ask for help… but he'll start to have problems with balance, vision, blackouts… he's going to get confused… seizures are likely to come back. Camryn said that the problems on his brain are more likely to progress quicker than anything else… that a bleed on his brain will most likely be..." Danny dropped his shoulders and closed his eyes with the thought but he couldn't bring himself to actually verbalize it.

Junior didn't need the words; he knew exactly what he was saying. He put his head down. "If that happens, will it be quick?" he whispered.

Danny's eyes filled with tears. "God, I hope so."

Junior inhaled the sea air, hoping that would distract him from the situation long enough to grab his composure. "Steve's sister… she lands in an hour. Lou's picking her up."

Danny nodded. "Okay."

"Lou and Renee also said that she and Joan can stay with them."

"I know Steve would really appreciate that." He whispered.

Again, the silence settled between them as the sun started to set.

Danny sighed. "I'm going to grab some sleep before Mary gets here. You good?"

"I got it covered." Junior nodded.

H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50

"Steve…" Mary said softly as she brushed his hair back then cupped her hand on his cheek.

His eyes opened briefly but he couldn't completely come to.

She looked to Danny who stood behind her. "I didn't expect him to be this bad already."

"The last 24 hours have been rough… he's exhausted." Danny paused. "He should be better in the morning."

Mary could not remember a time in their life when she had ever seen her brother so fragile. That, in itself, was a shock. She had spent most of her life with him as her protector, her rock. No matter where they were, she could always call on him and he would be there however he could. To think that she was not only losing the last link she had to her family, but she was losing the one person who had experienced the heartache she had been through. The reality, when she allowed it, could paralyze her with fear. "What are we going to do when he's gone, Danny?" she whispered with tears glistening in her eyes.

"Come here…" he answered softly as he reached down and pulled her into an embrace. He couldn't answer that for himself, there was no way he could do it for her.


	6. Chapter 6

**Writers Note: Thank you so much for the follows and comments. So now we know that the end is near with the actual show, so sad :( Glad they won't be going this way with the show's ending. This was only born out a string of things said and done on the show that had me thinking and I wanted to write it. Again, thanks for the support and please, to those who like to get really upset with me... this is a fanfic. It is not to be taken as seriously as some people have. Enjoy the final weeks of the show and I hope you enjoy the final few chapters of this fic. **

Four days later…

Danny had woken up on the sofa as the sunlight started to filter through the windows. Over the past few nights, since Steve had come home, he had been up and down at least 4 times. Sometimes it was if he heard any kind of noise but for the most part it was his own restlessness and concern for his partner.

This morning, as he came out of his slumber, he realized that he hadn't been disturbed all night. His heart pounded, like the first time Grace slept through the night, and a lump in his throat formed. He looked over to the bed. The covers mounded on top of the mattress but no sign of Steve. He frowned. "Steve?" he called out before hearing some noise from the kitchen.

Danny placed his bare feet on the floor and pushed himself up. Rubbing his eyes and yawning. "Junior?" he said as he headed to the kitchen. "Yo, where's Steve?" he said before seeing Steve at the stove cooking pancakes with Eddie watching intently.

"Morning." Steve smiled.

"You hungry?" Danny frowned.

"No. This is for you and my man here." He pointed to Eddie with a kitchen utensil. "I had some juice."

Danny raised his eyes with surprise and lifted himself up on the kitchen counter. "Wow, that blood transfusion yesterday really did it's stuff, right?"

"Yeah… you know what, I didn't believe Camryn when she said it would make a difference, but it really has. I feel better than I have done in weeks." He said, plating up some pancakes and passing them to Danny.

"That's good, that's great… because I had this dream last night."

Steve thinned his eyes with curiosity as he turned to Danny.

"It was us, driving around the island, completing your bucket list." Danny announced.

Steve grinned. "Was I driving?"

"No. You were not. It was my dream."

"Right."

"So, what do you say? I know you had a list going, you said so yourself."

Steve's eyes floated down. "I did…" he whispered, dishing out a pancake and placing it into Eddie's bowl.

"I'll take you anywhere you wanna go. Anything you wanna do. And I will do it with you."

Steve hesitated for a moment before looking back at his best friend. "Anything?"

"Anything." Danny nodded. "Name it."

He nodded. "14,000 foot jump."

"A what?" Danny hissed.

"One thing I loved doing was jumping."

"Like a skydive?" he answered nervously. "We did that already, no?"

"Yeah, I mean it wasn't from that altitude… 14,000 feet gives you a 60 second free dive… or we could do 18,000 feet, which is more like I did when I was in the SEAL's. That's like a two-minute free dive. They do it on the northside." Steve replied.

Danny's color seemed to drain instantaneously, and his eyes widened. "Are you serious right now?" he asked gingerly.

Steve held a stern glare on him for a moment before a smile appeared. "No Danny, I'm not… but it was worth it for the reaction you had."

Danny squeezed his eyes together and sighed with relief.

"I don't need to drive around the island for the list I have now." Steve continued. "I can do it all right here."

"Okay. Like what?"

"I don't know. Little and insignificant things, Danny." Steve hesitated as he thought. "Play some ball… take a swim in the ocean… get on a board, not to surf but to just paddle and feel the waves again."

Danny nodded.

"Sitting out back with my friends and having a beer."

"Ah… see you're not meant to be drinking."

"Just one beer, Danny… and I'll try not to let it turn me to a life of alcohol." Steve argued dryly.

"Okay…" he nodded. "Sound's good." The sudden burst in energy could have Danny fooled that nothing was even remotely wrong with Steve. He seemed back to normal. Motivated and enthusiastic.

"Good morning." Camryn appeared with Junior who had clearly been on his morning run.

"Morning." Steve smiled. "Coffee?"

"You know better than to ask me that. Always assume it's a yes." She replied with a smirk. "How are you feeling?"

"Great."

"Any pain?" She asked.

"Just that dull pain in my head, but it's nothing I can't deal with."

"Yeah, he feels so good he's got a 14,000 foot skydive booked for this afternoon." Danny announced, just hoping that would spark a similar reaction to his.

"Awesome!" Junior responded. "Can I come with?"

"Nice." Camryn added. She was willing to call Danny's bluff but if he was serious then there would be some serious conversation.

"I cancelled it." Steve smirked. "The last thing we all need right now is Danny having a heart attack."

"Okay, but he does want to go out in the ocean this afternoon." Danny asked Camryn. "You good with that?"

"I mean, it's not like anything I'm going to say is likely to stop him." Camryn shrugged.

"Know the feeling well." Danny muttered.

"It's true." Steve nodded.

"But providing all your obs are good, and you promise to be careful about the corral and getting too cold, then it should be okay."

"Yes ma'am." Steve nodded.

"So, let's go check you out." Camryn said as she grabbed his wrist lightly and led him back into the main room.

"You couldn't even get him out of bed yesterday morning." Junior said softly to Danny. "He's a different person today."

"Yeah…" Danny nodded as his eyes floated down. "Will you be around later?"

"Sure…"

"Maybe ask the others?"

Junior nodded. "Okay."

H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50

Steve watched Joanie and Charlie play happily on the sand as he sat with his legs straddled around his board. Mary and Danny sat supervising with Lou and Renee as Junior, Tani and Quin waited behind him for a break. They'd be waiting for a while; the surf was almost flat and could only offer a quick ride back to the beach but certainly no pipes.

For Steve it was perfect. He allowed the sun to soak his body, between the scattered clouds. Bobbing up and down in the calm waters, the feeling of the warm water lapping over his skin. To him this was heaven. He couldn't recall the amount of times he'd been pinned down by insurgents in a hole or swimming through icy and rough seas with the SEAL's, daydreaming about being back in the warm island climate and on a board.

His lips thinned into a smile. His return to the island had been because of great personal tragedy, but with that came incredible gain. He'd been allowed to spend the last ten years in a place he adored, not moving around or waiting for the next call up. He found a group of people who were all more loyal and caring than most blood relatives, and that group had grown tremendously over the years. Even though some were not on the island anymore, he knew only too well that this place has a gravitational pull, and he was in no doubt they would one day return.

But then there was Danny, the one who never found a strong connection. Forced here by circumstances and only remained because he was devoted to his children and to his team. Now Grace was back on the mainland it was a possibility, but Steve firmly believed that Rachel was now only staying here for Danny's sake and the job, he could see them all going back home again. Whatever the outcome, he just wanted Danny to be happy, on his terms, after years of sacrifice.

"Hey Steve!" Danny called out from the shore holding a bottle up. "I got that beer for you."

"Okay, thanks buddy." He answered softly with a smile before it faded. The niggling pain in his head was increasing, and a pressure behind his eyes was uncomfortable but still tolerable. It just served as a reminder that despite the sudden run of energy, he couldn't be fooled into forgetting the reality. He didn't want to show any kind of weakness around the others, or that deep inside of him there was a burning sense of anxiety and regret.

Again, he looked to Mary as she hugged Joanie in a big embrace. He remembered the day she had turned up with her, and how much he had criticized Mary's decision. He never, for one second, believed that she could make it work and he felt foolish for that many times since. He had admired her for everything she had done but there was also a slight twinge of sorrow and a hint of jealousy. Mary had taken a leap of faith; found something she wanted and had given everything to keep it. He couldn't help but wonder what could have been if he had done something similar.

His mind then turned to Catherine. _Where the hell was she? Why hadn't she been back? Why didn't she at least say goodbye?_ He exhaled through his mouth, closed his eyes and inhaled through his nose to steady his emotions, but a tear still managed to escape down his cheek. He knew a relationship with Catherine could have never worked. Everything mirrored his own parents' marriage. He the unrelenting cop and she the operative who could and would take off at a moments notice or less. How could he have ever entertained marriage or children with her, regardless of how much he loved her. He never could have risked repeating the cycle. Still, it didn't matter now.

Danny walked into the house and Mary was left supervising the kids on the shoreline. Most of the things they had needed to talk about had been casually discussed, but there was one more thing that Steve had to broach and this one he knew Mary wouldn't like. He paddled slowly until a small wave pushed his board with a little more speed towards the sand. As soon as he felt the sand on the bottoms of his feet he stood up and dragged the board out.

"How was it?" Mary asked.

"Exactly what I needed." Steve nodded as he grabbed a towel from the chairs. "Hey Mare…"

She looked to him warmly.

His stomach churned, but it was time to start the process of distancing himself. "You know that I have loved every minute of the past couple of days, having you guys here… you do know that, right?"

"Of course." She nodded.

He hesitated. "The thing is…" he couldn't quite get the words to sound the way he wanted them to. Any way he would say it was likely to sound harsh.

"Steve…" she frowned. "What?"

"I think it's time for you guys to head back to LA." He said softly.

"Head back when?"

"Tomorrow." He nodded.

"I don't understand." She shook her head, frowning. "I was going to stay as long as I could."

"And I get that." He replied understandingly. "But… I want it to be on happy terms that we say goodbye. Me like this. You remembering me how I am today."

She winced with sadness as tears welled in her eyes, but she looked deeply into his and she knew that it meant something to him. No matter how much it hurt or how much she wanted to argue the point. "Steve…" she said softly.

"Don't…" he whispered before pulling her into a strong embrace. His arms wrapped firmly around his sister's shoulders, his hand brushing her hair.

Mary couldn't hold back the involuntary sobs. She knew why he was doing this; he was protecting her just as much as himself. He knew only too well what it was like in that moment when life slipped away. He had heard his dad, and been there with Freddie, Deb, Joe and their mom. They were all times she knew haunted him.

"I'm so proud of you Mary. So, so proud of you." He said as he put his chin on her head and held her close.

Danny stood back by the door and watched the siblings embrace. It cut at his core, so much so that the anger within him returned. _How could this even be happening?_ He clenched his fists and gritted his teeth with frustration and pure sadness.

H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50

Camryn's truck rolled up to the front of Steve's house and immediately, she could see Danny sitting on the porch step with his head in his hands. She grabbed her bag and got out, heading over to him. "Danny?"

He looked up and smiled slightly.

"Is everything okay?" she said softly as she sat down next to him.

He paused before he nodded, sucking back the tears he'd been quietly shedding. "I just… just needed some air."

"Understood."

He hesitated for a moment. "There has to be something else that can be done."

She closed her eyes for just a couple of seconds before looking back at him. "Danny… if I thought there was a chance… even a remote chance… I would be banging on doors and calling in favors."

Danny nodded; he didn't care now. He didn't care he was vulnerable and beyond upset. His tears fell from his eyes. "I just had to watch him tell his kid sister that she needs to leave." He whispered. "That he doesn't want her here to watch him die."

She winced with heartache.

"I can't shake this feeling that we have all written him off too soon. I mean, Steve… he's a fighter… he could come out of anything and still be standing." He pushed, with each word came more and more irritation.

Camryn knew exactly what he meant. It was hard to comprehend that Steve McGarrett, who seemed unbreakable, was rapidly breaking down.

"Maybe we should get a second opinion?" He continued desperately. "Because maybe there is something you are missing?"

"No one would stand in the way of that… but Danny… this is the opinion of at least five, highly experienced, oncologists and hematologists."

"And to them Steve is a number…" Danny growled. "They don't know what he has done, what he's been through. They don't understand the impact of losing him, for so many people, will be."

She shrugged somberly. "They might not… but I do… and I have looked into every conceivable option, but every single turn is more aggressive and taxing than what he's already been through… and with his condition now, there are no viable options." Camryn's whispered before her professional manner cracked slightly, her eyes welling. "Trust me when I tell you, Danny. I would do absolutely anything Steve." She whispered. "And it kills me that I've not been able to change this situation."

Danny closed his eyes.

The pair sat in silence for a little while before Camryn looked down to her hands. "I was 25 and fresh out of med school. I only applied for the Navy to piss off my dad… but… before I knew it, I was accepted, given basic combat training and deployed to Bagram Air Base. I was scared to death. Constant shelling from the other side of the walls… bullets flying around… and then there was the dynamics of thousands of people living in one base. When you're new, trying to make your way into already established groups is hard and so people were not always friendly." She sighed. "We had an orientation as soon as we hit the ground, but it went in one ear and out the other. It was my second night and I was walking from the hospital to my housing unit… the base came under attack from mortars. Needless to say, I was fairly unequipped to deal with the situation in every possible way."

Danny looked to her.

"So there I am, in the middle of this exposed area, crouched on the ground with my hands over my head… and there were these guys just laughing at me to my left hand side." She shook her head. "I didn't make a sound, but I was petrified. Like sheer terror. Out in the open, shrapnel flying everywhere… and they just kept laughing." She smiled bitterly. "Anyway, what I didn't know is that a team of guys behind me at the hospital had come out. They were SEAL's… and they were just checking up on one of their buddies who had been injured that afternoon. So most of them went running by me with their guns drawn, but one came to me. He had his gun in one hand and he scooped me up with the other, pushing me toward the nearby shelter. He must have seen that I was completely out of my depth, because he sat and calmed me down."

"Steve?" Danny whispered.

She nodded. "I was worried that he had been split up from his team, but he said it didn't matter. He said that they couldn't do much, but that the threat would be gone within a couple of minutes." She smiled. "He was right… a couple of explosions in the distance and the attack stopped. Death by hellfire missiles." She thinned her lips. "I didn't realize that he'd seen what those guys had done… but he stormed out and gave them something to remember."

"Did it happen to be a good beat down?"

"Yeah, it was." She raised her eyes and laughed. "Irony was I then had to treat one of them for a broken cheekbone which was a little awkward. Worst still, Steve could have been severely disciplined for what he did to them had they not been encouraged, by his team, to say it was wounds from the attack. He put his moral values above his service conduct and risked his job for me as well as his life by grabbing me. That was the first time I had ever been in a position where someone had done all of that in a life and death situation." She sighed. "I didn't see him for a couple of weeks after that. I asked around but no one could answer anything. I figured they probably kept a low-key presence given their positions."

Danny nodded gently.

"Then he comes into my ER, with his face covered in blood." She brushed her hand down the side of her face. "Composed as anything, maintaining that he just had a scratch… we pulled quite a few pieces of an IED from his head that night." She paused. "After that I got to know Steve and the team really well. They made me feel welcome and a part of their group. Then the next tour we were at the same base again. When we had requests for a medical team to go out to a Forward Operating Base, I would volunteer and more often than not he would convince the powers that be to put his team as the escort."

"No, see, it's a benefit having a doctor like you with him at all times." Danny coughed a weak laugh.

"Yeah, well… it worked both ways. I patched him up every now and then, and he would guide me in the right direction under enemy fire." She smiled. "But you see Danny, Steve is so much more than just another soldier to me. That day he scooped me up, he gave me reason to love the Navy, love what I do, made me feel like I belonged. I'm confident, that without him on that first deployment… I would have come back and wished I was out. Then I would have missed out on all the amazing opportunities I have had since." She paused. "But above all else, that day Steve gave me a fiercely loyal and protective friend. And brought me in on a family I could never replicate."

Danny exhaled loudly. "Yeah, he's good at that."

She nodded gently.

"I can do this, right?" Danny whispered after a long pause of silence. "I can see this through?"

"You absolutely can… you got this…" she answered softly. "We both have."

H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50

The next night

Steve sat on the edge of his bed, his eyes highlighted by the moonlight which bounced off the ocean. Saying goodbye to Mary and Joanie was one of the hardest things he'd had to do, but he knew it had to be done. He had spoken to Danny about his wishes as time went on. At some point Danny needed to enforce a ban on visitors, only his team were allowed to be close because they had insisted.

The day had been taxing and the boost in energy had started to recede again, but it didn't help that he would fight sleep just because he wanted to make the most out of every minute. He wanted to enjoy the smaller things that up until now he'd never truly appreciated.

Danny walked up behind him and around the bed to perch himself beside him. He handed Steve a bottle of beer.

Steve didn't look at him in the eyes, but his lips thinned into a smile as he reached up and took the bottle. "Two in two days? Thought you were against me drinking?" he said softly.

Danny sighed and shrugged. "Yeah well… you look like you could do with one." He answered. "I'd give you something stronger if there was anything left after Nahele's party."

Steve rested the bottle down on the side, untouched, and proceeded to look back out of the window.

They sat in the silence for a while before Danny chewed his top lip with trepidation. "You know it's okay to let your guard down, right?"

Steve sighed irritably.

"Because, I get that you wanted to keep it all back when you said goodbye to Mary and Joanie… you wanted to be strong… but I know, behind that tough exterior you always have going on, you were breaking."

"None of it is sadness for me, Danny." He answered before pausing. "I'm angry because of what this is doing to the people I love and care for." He closed his eyes. "This will all be over for me in a little while, but Mary… she has to live with the reality that she has no one left in her family."

"And I get that, but that is not a reason to dismiss what you're feeling right now." Danny nodded.

"What I'm feeling?" Steve mocked.

"Yes, Steve." He barked angrily. "You have the right to feel angry, to feel sad… you have the right to be scared."

"But I don't, Danny." He answered. "I've accepted what is happening to me, what is going to happen… there is nothing I or anyone else can do and I know that being angry, sad or scared is not going to change anything so why let it eat me up?"

"I don't buy it." Danny shook his head. "Because I know you. I know that you will hide everything to protect others, and that you will hold things in to avoid showing any kind of weakness. But you don't have to do any of that anymore, Steve. Not with us… not now."

Steve cleared his throat dismissively and straightened his back. "What you want me to tell you, Danny?" He snapped. "You want me to break down? I can't express what I am not feeling!"

"Stop, okay? Let's just… stop." Danny whispered, trying to defuse the situation. "I'm sorry… I am… I didn't mean to get you worked up." He assured him. "I just… I just wanted to make it clear… that if at any point you need too… I'm here. I'm right here, Steve."

Steve realized his reaction was harsh and that Danny was just trying to help. He immediately felt terrible for his response. "I know…" he nodded as he patted his best friend on his knee. "And I love you for that, man."

H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50

"Danny…" Junior said urgently as he shook him from his sleep by grabbing his arms.

Danny opened his eyes with shock, grunting as he sat up. "What?"

"Duke's been trying to call you." Junior answered. "Steve… he's at the Palace."

"What?" Danny snapped, pushing back the blanket and looking over to Steve's empty bed.

"Duke said he turned up about 40 minutes ago… security contacted HPD… Duke tried to handle it, but he said Steve is really agitated and he has a gun."

"How the hell did he get there?" He asked as he checked his phone. Seven missed calls but his phone on silent and the clock showing 3:37am.

"Didn't say, but his truck is gone from out front." Junior replied.

Danny raised his hand to his eyes and exhaled. "Okay… call Duke back, tell him I'm on my way and to make sure he keeps everyone back."

"Do you want me to come with you?"

"No…" Danny said as he stood up. "I'll call you if I need you but for now, I'll go alone."

"Okay…" Junior whispered.

"Make that call." Danny confirmed as he grabbed his keys and hurried out of the door.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

Danny stepped out of the lifts to the 5-0 office and was immediately met with Duke. "Where is he?"

"He's sitting on the floor just outside his office." Duke replied.

Danny hurried down the hallway

"When I went in initially, he was agitated… confused. Once I saw the gun I stepped back." Duke continued. "I know that Steve would never do anything to intentionally hurt me, but given the situation…"

"No, I understand." Danny nodded. "You did the right thing."

"Danny…" the senior officer said, stopping him in his tracks. "Everyone here is aware of what's going on… and we all agreed that this should be kept in house as much as we can… but if things escalate, because he has the weapon, we will have to consider calling in SWAT. I'll have no choice."

"I got it." Danny nodded as he exhaled deeply. "Let me just talk with him, okay? Find out what's going on."

Duke pushed the door open for Danny to walk through which he did without the slightest bit of hesitation.

Danny walked between Tani and Junior's offices and past his to see Steve leaning up against the corner of his office near the external window. His knees curled up to his chest, arms wrapped around his legs and one hand clutching a gun. When he heard the footsteps he flinched, aiming the gun straight at Danny.

"Steve?" Danny called out nervously. "Steve, it's me."

Steve was visibly shivering, his face pale, lips with a tinge of blue, his eyes wide open like a deer in headlights but his glare was vacant.

"Hey… hey…" Danny stepped over cautiously with his hands up. "It's me… Danny…"

Steve scanned the room, almost like he was in fight or flight mode which his friend immediately recognized. "Don't…" he warned. "Don't come any closer."

"Okay…" Danny said softly, freezing on the spot, he was going to have to take this carefully and slowly.

"What do you want?" Steve asked nervously.

"I'm just here to make sure you're okay." Danny replied softly, his hands still up in the air.

"I'm waiting for my team." He replied, almost like it was a no brainer.

Danny felt his chest tighten. The air in his lungs seemed to escape so quickly a sharp pain could be felt. _Was this it? Was this the moment in which he had started to lose his best friend?_ "Steve… Look at me… tell me you know who I am."

Steve glared at Danny, but his gaze was still empty and filled with utter confusion.

"Steven…" he pushed. "Tell me you know who I am… right? It's Danny, buddy…"

He started to roll his head side to side against the glass window, his hand dropped to his side as he released the grip on the weapon seemingly involuntarily. Danny was certain it wasn't because he'd wanted to lower the weapon but that something was going on. Steve blinked heavily, almost like he was struggling to stay conscious, his eyes glazed.

"Steve… what's going on?"

"Did I do something wrong." Steve mumbled.

"No… no…" Danny shook his head supportively.

Steve squeezed his eyes shut. His breathing rapid. The room was spinning, and everything seemed familiar but unfamiliar at the same time. "The pain… in my head… and I'm so cold, Danny…" Steve whispered.

Danny allowed the air to fill his lungs again with the sound of Steve saying his name. He felt that was enough to continue his careful approach. He knelt next to his best friend. "You got to give me the gun, buddy."

Steve looked down at his hand, he couldn't remember where the weapon had come from or how he'd gotten here. He was confused and freezing but he could hear the tone in Danny's voice. He followed his instructions, handing over the gun.

Danny sighed with relief as he slid the gun away behind him and cupping his hand on the back of Steve's head warmly.

"Danny…" Steve said as he tried hard to quell the rush of emotions that hit him.

"I'm right here." Danny nodded and smiled weakly.

"Something's not right." He continued. "It's not right."

Danny turned. "Duke!" he called out with a level of urgency.

Duke came through the doors and into sight.

"Gun's there… I need some blankets… and I need you to call Junior and tell him to have Camryn meet us at the house right now."

"You got it." Duke nodded before picking up the firearm and rushing back out again.

"Danny…" Steve said as the tears in his eyes spilt over and down his cheeks, his face cracking. He didn't need to say a word. Danny got it. "I'm scared…" he whispered.

"I know…" Danny replied softly but supportively before he pulled Steve's head against his chest.

Steve's body shook gently as he sobbed, his hands curling around Danny's bicep.

"I know… I know." Danny whispered again.

H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50

Danny sat on the sofa with Junior standing in front of him.

Junior crossed his arms over his chest. "I thought we got both sets of keys to the truck."

"Apparently there was a third." Danny sighed as he put his hands up to his head and leaned against his knees.

"I'm sorry, Danny… if I had known."

"It's not your fault." Danny replied as he looked at him. "If anyone is responsible, it's me… he got past me, started the truck right outside the window and I didn't even hear it."

"You're exhausted, man." Junior shook his head sympathetically.

"He could have hurt someone driving… he could have hurt himself." Danny recounted the string of close calls.

"Did he say why he went to the office?"

"Just that he was waiting for us." Danny shrugged. "When I walked in… I thought he was gone… mentally. He was blank, and then it was like something clicked." He paused. "I had tried to get him to open up last night… I just wanted him to let some things go… but I never thought I would ever see him break down the way he did at the Palace."

"It's got to be weighing on him." Junior answered. "I'd be a mess if I was in his shoes."

"Yeah…" Danny raised his eyebrows and nodded.

Camryn wrapped her stethoscope around her neck and walked over to the pair. "Okay… so I've given him a shot of Cortisone, that should relieve the inflammation to some degree… but because his blood pressure is high, I could only administer a small dose. It's going to bring his BP up further, and when that happens… the risk of bleeding is increased. It's unlikely that I would be able to give him anymore."

"So what does that mean now?" Danny stood up. "What are we looking at now?"

She paused for a moment, glancing back at Steve who was sleeping before lowering her head. "He's unstable right now… and when that BP goes up even the slightest amount, it's essentially a ticking time bomb. I'd say days… not weeks."

Danny nodded gently, he wasn't surprised and yet he was horrified. "Was he lucid when you spoke to him?"

"There were a couple of things he struggled with, a lot of confusion about what happened, but for the most part he seemed coherent." She nodded. "Keep him warm for now, his temp was starting to lift… but also keep an eye on him coming down with a fever."

"Okay…" Danny whispered.

"You guys should try to get some sleep." She nodded sympathetically. She checked her watch after noting the sun was starting to rise. "I'll come by and check on things around noon…"

"Thanks again, doc." Danny sighed as he followed her to the door.

She turned. "You know, despite what you both might be thinking and feeling right now… what you have done for him… what you continue to do… it's the best gift you could ever give him." She nodded. "Don't beat yourselves up for having to care for a ninja." She smiled sympathetically before exiting.

Junior sighed as the doctor disappeared and the door was closed. He brushed his hands down his face. "Okay, listen… you go get some sleep… I'll stay up for as long as you need."

"You know what? I'm good…" Danny nodded. "I'll stay with him."

"Danny…"

"I know what you're going to say, and I get it… but I'm okay."

Junior hovered for a moment, he wished Danny would take some time out but he understood and there was no way he was going to force him. "You call out if you need me, okay?"

Danny nodded before Junior started up the stairs reluctantly. He waited until the young officer's door closed. He walked over to Steve's bedside, inhaled and closed his eyes. Everything had happened so quickly, and he still hadn't fully processed most of it. He leant against the wall and slid down. At least sitting on the hard, wooden floorboards would keep him awake.

Eddie had curled himself up on the foot of the bed, right next to Steve's legs with his chin resting on his master's feet, now on guard as much as Danny was.

H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50

Danny must have fallen asleep at some point with his legs up against his chest and his head resting against his arms. It was only a firm knock at the door had jolted him awake, hesitating for a moment as he remembered why he was there and what was happening, before he pushed himself to his feet with a groan from the stiffness in his body.

He glanced over at Steve, who was undisturbed by the noise.

"Hey…" Lou said as Danny opened the door.

"What's up." Danny stepped out of the way allowing Grover to come in.

"How y'all doin'?" Lou asked.

Danny nodded. "Okay…" he lied.

"How's Steve?"

He sighed. "I guess you heard about last night?"

"Some of it, what the hell?" Grover hissed with confusion. "How did he get the gun?"

"Apparently it was one he had in his office… but it was unloaded." Danny nodded. "He was awake about an hour ago."

"How was he when he was awake?"

"He did his best to try and convince me he's fine… but he has muscle weakness on his left-hand side again. And he's at his limit now with the steroid injections… so..."

Lou closed his eyes.

"He hasn't eaten or drunk anything since yesterday afternoon either." He thinned his lips with disappointment. "But Camryn should be here within the next thirty minutes to check back in, so I can ask her about that then."

"You want some company?"

"I would love that. But I also wouldn't mind a shower." Danny laughed softly.

"Okay, well you go do what you got to do and when you come down, I'll make us both a cup of coffee."

"Thanks Lou." Danny patted Grover on the arm with appreciation.

Lou looked over to Steve's bed and saw Eddie lying on top with his head down and looking disheartened. "Hey Eddie…" he said encouragingly, but the dog didn't move. "I know, buddy." He patted the dog on the head gently. Then he saw Steve. His heart started racing, he didn't think it was even possible, but his friend looked a hundred times worse than two days ago. His skin was dusty and pale, the rings around his eyes had darkened, his lips were dry and his features seemed sunken. His dark stubble seemed to be emphasized against his skin tone. He was a shadow of the man he knew.

He'd remembered the day that Steve had been shot in the plane. Ripping the door off the aircraft and helping lift his lifeless body out onto the sand. Kono, Chin and Lou had agreed the moment was surreal, how they never thought they would see the day that Steve would be so close to death. And in the hospital waiting room, the group had discussed how impossible it seemed that they would lose him because he was McGarrett. Lou had said on several occasions after that, that Steve was invincible. Not now though. Now he was in a place of no return. There was no surgery, no medication, no natural cure and not much time.

Eddie suddenly crept up the bed and nuzzled Steve's hand with his nose, over and over and squeaking before Steve started to shake and call out incoherently.

"Steve…" Grover said as he leant down next to him. "Steve… it's Lou… you're okay."

Steve's eyes opened and he started to thrash his arms around, like he was trying to get up and away but he had no strength.

"Steve…" Grover repeated, but it didn't help.

He continued to call out with fear in his voice, but nothing made any sense to Lou and the Captain was at a complete loss as to what to do other than stand back and hope this would pass. But over minutes the situation became more intense. Steve's eyes filled with pure fear and his cries haunting.

Danny had heard the commotion from the shower and had immediately stepped out and pulled on some track pants, still soaking wet, and hurried downstairs. Lou looked around to him, his body braced as if he was on high alert and yet looking to Danny with complete helplessness. "Nothing I do makes any difference."

"It's okay." Danny nodded as he hurried over and perched himself on the side of Steve's bed, grabbing his best friends' wrist gently and calmly. "Steve… I got you."

Steve seemed to instantly respond to Danny's voice, his body relaxed to a degree and his cries quietened slightly, although there was still some clear trepidation.

"It's okay. You're okay." Danny continued before resting his hand on Steve's forehead and gently stroking it through his hairline.

Lou watched from their side, as Danny continued to speak reassuringly and softly. Within minutes of Danny's intervention Steve had completely unwound as Danny continued to give him the soothing contact he clearly needed.

"I'm sorry, Danny… I didn't know what to do." Lou shrugged with sadness.

"No. No it's okay. He… he hallucinates… they really throw him and sometimes it's hard to snap him out of them…" Danny answered softly. "That and the pain is getting worse."

Lou exhaled a shaken breath. "Imma make that coffee."

Danny nodded.

"Danny…" Steve whispered in a semi-conscious state.

"It's okay."

Although Steve was unaware when the hallucinations came and during, when he came around, he could feel the level of anxiety in his body and he could also sense it in Danny and those around him.

"I'm sorry, Danny…" he said, barely loud enough for his friend to hear.

But Danny heard it, and it broke his heart once more. The rush of anger started to swell inside of him again. This was so incredibly unfair. Never had he felt this feeling of being in a room with the walls closing in, knowing there was only one way out. Wishing it was over for Steve's sake but not ready and willing to let go. How could this man, this strong and independent human, be reduced to this in a matter of weeks? It made his stomach churn and his emotions threatened to come out in his tone of voice if he didn't keep a check on himself. The last thing he wanted was for Steve to think he was angry at him. He wasn't. He couldn't be. Instead of running the risk of vocally screwing up he turned to the one thing he knew would offer him the same comfort. The one thing Steve had responded to the night before. Contact. Physical touch. Danny pulled Steve's upper body against his chest and held him tightly.

As Lou stepped into the kitchen, he leant against the counter and his head down with tears tracking down his cheeks. Tani and Junior walked in through the back door.

"Hey Cap, you okay?" Junior frowned. "Steve alright?"

"Yeah… he's okay." Lou nodded gently.

Tani and Junior glanced at each other before looking back to Lou.

Lou turned to them and shrugged. "I don't know how Danny does it." He paused. "I mean, the way he handles everything with Steve… I'm just amazed."

Tani nodded sympathetically.

"We are going to have to really watch him when all this is done." Lou whispered.

"I agree…" Junior replied. "I think he's containing everything now for Steve's sake."

"I've been thinking about it a lot. I honestly don't know what he is going to do without Steve." Tani shrugged. "It's going to hit us all hard, but Danny… he's going to be beyond heartbroken."

"We just have to be there to help him get through it." Junior replied.

H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50

Steve breathed through the constant agony that built in his head. The usual amount of pain relief didn't seem to be touching it anymore. His body was ridged as he arched his back and pushed his head into the bed, hoping that the pressure would provide some reprieve.

Camryn rubbed the medical swab on his skin, then pushed a needle in, to administer the drugs that would hopefully dull the discomfort somewhat. Within a minute his tense body relaxed and his eyes opened, though weary, she could see the shift was significant.

She smiled warmly before curling her hand around his. "Better?"

"Yeah…" he replied softly, enveloped by an encouraging euphoria.

She removed her gloves and started to pack away her things. "I'll make some adjustments to your meds."

He exhaled deeply as he closed his eyes, appreciating this moment because he knew it would likely be a short time before the pain would increase again. He could relax. Every muscle in his body could loosen and he could savor the numbness. "Camryn…" he whispered.

"Steven…" she replied dryly as she scribbled down some notes on a chart.

He hesitated. "Remember when we talked about…" he paused. "We talked about choices I had as things progressed."

She paused from her notes, looking up to him and nodding gently.

"You… you said something about sedation."

"Yeah…" she whispered as she lowered her head with sadness.

He winced with sorrow. "I think that is something I should do… in the not so distant future."

"Steve, I can give you meds that can do the same job without having to sedate you. We talked about that also."

"It's not just about the pain." He said as his voice cracked. "The hallucinations, they are petrifying… and me ending up at the Palace the way I did… I could have hurt people just driving there." He sighed. "I'm losing my mind… and I thought I could deal with that… but if there is one thing I know I can't handle… it's that."

She glared at him, everything in her was wanting to tell him not to worry, but she couldn't.

"And when I have the moments of clarity… I think about a whole bunch of things… but right now, nothing is more important than me being able to say goodbye on my terms… just like I did with my sister."

Camryn flinched with sadness as she fought to hold back her emotions. To see a patient, make hard choices like this, going through everything that went with this awful disease, was hard enough. Then to watch it happen to someone you know, and care about, tested every ounce of professionalism. "You want me to talk to Danny?"

"If I tell him… he will think it's another crazy idea of mine." He answered. "But, believe me… I've thought about it… and it's what I want to do."

She sighed. "Okay…" she whispered. "Okay… I'll talk to Danny… and… when you're ready… you just tell me."

"Thank you…" he said softly, his eyes deep with appreciation.

Camryn nodded as she brushed his hair back.

H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50

"No." Danny thinned his eyes with disbelief. "What is he talking about?"

Camryn leant back against the kitchen counter. She just had to let Danny vent before she could even try to reason.

"So, basically you give him something that makes him go to sleep and you keep it going until he dies?" Danny hissed. "That's crazy… no. No. It's not happening. I'll talk to him." He shook his head. "He's clearly confused."

"I don't think he is… he made his case articulately." She answered. "He knew the reasons; he knows the consequences… there was clarity. I have no doubt that he is still able to make this decision."

"Even if it's the wrong one?" Danny barked before pausing. "I get that he's in pain… but it's only been this bad in the past day…"

"I think it's been bad for a while; he was just able to hide it better… now he is exhausted."

"You can't seriously think this is a good idea?"

She sighed and shrugged. "When he put it into perspective, and I could see how much this is tormenting him… I get it."

Danny's lips thinned, his eyes narrowed as he turned and hit one of the cupboard doors with frustration.

"I know that you want to keep him around as long as possible, but Danny… you know that he is declining rapidly. In a few days, if he makes it that far, he will likely struggle with even recognizing us… or doing basic things." She stepped over to the detective, grasping his arms. "It is so hard being in your position… but it is hard for Steve too… but no matter how tough things are for us, no matter how hard it is to accept… we have listen to what he wants and needs."

Danny stood frozen, his eyes void of all emotion now. He didn't know what to feel between the anger, frustration, sadness and fear.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

Danny helped Steve down into one of the beach chairs by the drop off from the garden to the beach. "You alright?" Danny asked.

"I'm good…" Steve smiled weakly, but the gratitude was there.

"You need anything?" Danny fussed.

"Danny… stop." He laughed softly. "Just sit down with me for a while."

"Watch the kids?" Danny replied as he pointed to Tani and Junior in the ocean.

"And watch the kids." Steve nodded.

Tani and Junior pushed their boards out, eager to get their sunset surf in before the grill was fired up.

Danny glanced at Steve, who was watching the pair kid around in the waves. He noticed Steve's defeated expression. "What are you thinking about?"

Steve let his eyes drift down and smiled thinly. "Anything… everything…"

Danny nodded as he tried to put himself in Steve's position and how overwhelming it must feel.

"Do you think that everyone feels a little alone in the end?" Steve asked softly.

Danny's eyes drifted down as he gave his friends question some thought. "What you are going through is a very personal experience, none of us know what it's like. So yeah… I guess people would feel alone at the end."

"That wasn't what I meant." Steve answered.

Danny sighed, he knew exactly where Steve was going with this but he didn't want to entertain it. He didn't want Steve dwelling on things far beyond his control, but he knew that was not going to work. "I imagine, that in reflection, people would naturally focus on the parts of their life that they are sensitive about. Dwell on the things they believe they failed or fell short at."

Steve looked out over the ocean silently.

"For you… you blame yourself for your mother's absence, like it was your fault she left… which you know, deep down, couldn't be further from the truth." Danny started. "She left because of choices she made well before you and Mary were born… it was that simple." He paused. "But then Cath did exactly the same things, followed what you perceived to be the same patten, and that backs up your theory that it was all your fault."

Steve closed his eyes.

"The only thing that got in the way of you and Catherine was timing…" Danny continued. "You just weren't at the same time in your life for wanting the same things."

Steve looked to his best friend.

"I don't ever want you thinking that you are alone. You're not. No matter how much your mind or your heart wants to play tricks. You got you're A team support group all around, and none of us will ever let you feel alone. Not for one minute."

Steve smiled softly, proud and thankful for Danny's response. "You know, sometimes you can be wise beyond your years."

Danny rolled his head to look at his friend. "It's not all been bad though, right?" he asked. "I mean, we've had some good times."

"We sure have." Steve thinned a smile.

"And this is where it all started. This house. Us at gun point…" Danny stifled a laugh.

Steve's smile became more pronounced. "You hated me that day."

"No… no…not just that day. I hated you for quite a long time after that." He answered sarcastically. "I think it's only been in the last couple of weeks I've really started to warm to you."

"But you stayed." Steve replied. "Even after being shot in the first couple of hours of knowing me."

"I did…" he nodded. "And ever since then… between buildings falling on me… flying to remote locations to save your ass… flying in aircraft controlled by you… crashing in aircraft controlled by me, continuously being shot at multiple times in the working week… yeah it's been a ball."

Steve grinned childishly.

"Still, you are amused by it all."

"I call it a win…" he replied encouragingly. "I didn't get you killed like you always said I would."

"That was luck. It was certainly not through lack of you trying."

"Maybe. But I wouldn't have wanted to do it with anyone else." Steve nodded. "Your positive outlook on life always kept me going." He laughed gently with a cough.

"You're a jerk, you know that, right?" Danny hissed dryly before pausing in reflection. "I look at it all and wonder how the hell it all happened? I mean, you could not get two people more different than us… and yet it worked."

Steve looked out to the ocean and smiled proudly. "Yes, it did."

The pair sat in silence as they both looked out to the horizon. "Are you still scared?" Danny whispered.

Steve closed his eyes as he gave the question some serious thought. "Not so much now… I've made my peace… I understand what's happening and accepted I can't change anything…" he sighed. "I guess I am scared for Mary."

"You don't need to worry about Mary… please… I got her." Danny answered.

Steve smiled with appreciation before nodding somberly. "I worry about you too." He whispered.

Danny frowned. "What do you got to worry about me for?" he asked but he knew the answer, and whilst he didn't want Steve to be worrying about anything right now, he was grateful for the thought.

"That if roles were reversed, the thought of losing you would be terrifying to me."

Danny's eyes floated down. "I'm trying not to think about any of that right now."

"I know…" Steve replied softly. "And if there is something after life… I'm going to find a quiet place up there that's just for us, get some beach chairs and I'll have some beer on ice waiting for you one day."

Danny inhaled deeply as he continued to suppress his emotions. "That would never happen… you'd be waiting for me to bring the beer."

Steve smiled as rested his head back against the chair and looked to his best friend. "Danny… do me a favor."

Danny turned to him.

"Just… live each day… don't wait to do what makes you happy… do it now." He said softly. "Don't live your life in fear of getting hurt anymore… just… just find what you want and grab on to it." He nodded. "Would you do that for me?"

"For you, I can try." Danny nodded before the pair looked out at the ocean again.

"Okay…" Lou called out as he made his way across the grass with a tray full of meat. "I got some prime red meat for us here people."

"You wanna drink?" Danny asked Steve.

He shook his head.

"Danny, I'll get you one." Junior said as he passed the pair.

"I got your favorite things right here, baby." Lou started as he placed the tray down next to the grill and turned to Steve. "The Grover burger."

Steve didn't have the heart to disappoint him with his lack of appetite.

"They look good." Tani said as she dried her hair with a towel.

"They do, but you should let Junior cook them." Danny ordered.

"What the hell man?" Lou answered with disgust.

"Lou… you are superior at making burgers… we can all agree on that. Right?" he answered as he looked around to the others.

The group nodded.

"But cooking them… not so much." Danny continued. "Besides, Quin has never been assessed by the team for her grilling skills so not worth the risk, Tani freaks out and leaves them half raw. Steve, he'll probably fall asleep and burn them… wouldn't be the first time."

"What?" Quin laughed.

"It happened once… fourth of July, and in my defense, I was the most sober one here that day." Steve protested.

"I invited you all so that I wouldn't have to do anything." Danny continued as Junior walked over with a beer and passed it over. "That leaves Junior… and Junior has skills."

"You guys are ruthless." Lou conceded.

Steve rested his head back and chuckled quietly at the banter.

"I'll give you some cooking tips if you want Cap?" Junior added helpfully.

"Hush your mouth child." Lou replied. "Cooking tips?" I've been grilling more years than you've walked this earth."

"I'm just saying… the tribe has spoken." Junior grinned.

"This ain't survivor." Lou wined.

Steve's smile faded; his jaw line tightened as a wave of sharp pain infiltrated his head.

"Steve?" Tani said softly. "You okay?"

"Yeah…" he nodded, thinning his eyes and looking around. "Yeah."

"You wanna go back in?" Danny fussed.

"Maybe for a little bit." He nodded.

"We got you." Junior said softly as he and Danny moved in to help Steve.

"Wait… wait a minute." Steve said, stopping them. He paused. "I'm probably going to screw this up… my head is all over the place and words… they don't come to me as easily as they did." He frowned with frustration. "I just… I just wanted to thank you guys. All of you." He paused. "Not only for the past few weeks… but for everything." He nodded as he exhaled deeply, the words weren't easy to string together. "Danny and I were talking before… and I… I mentioned that part of me sometimes feels alone." He shrugged softly and smiled. "He immediately gave me his feedback, as he so expressively does, and reminded me that it was far from the truth."

They smiled softly.

"I grew up in this house believing that my family was loving… and I guess they were in their own way. Then it was all shattered, my mom was gone… my dad, barely holding it together… splitting us up. I just wanted to protect myself from forming close relationships again. I never wanted to risk getting attached to then have it all to disappear again. So, I went through my last years of school, and my career in the navy, guarded. Of course, there was a bond in the teams… still, I couldn't help but be cautious… only holding a few close." He smiled with pride. "Then I came home again, and everything changed… you have all taught me how to trust, to communicate and to live a life so different to what I thought it had to be." He gathered his breath for a moment. "And I can't honestly thank you all enough for giving me that gift."

The group struggled to hear the words but held it together out of complete respect.

Steve smiled softly as he looked at them all carefully. "I just wanted you to all know that."

Tani stepped over and hugged him gently as Quin placed her hand on his shoulder warmly. Lou held his hand out and clutched Steve's hand strongly.

"Come on… lets go…" Danny said, forcing himself to be upbeat as he inhaled his emotions. "Stop making people cry."

Junior and Danny lifted Steve to his feet and supported him as they walked inside.

Quin closed her eyes with sadness as Tani turned to face the ocean, the tears stinging her eyes.

"Did that sound like a concession speech to anyone else?" Lou whispered to the girls.

"If it wasn't, it was pretty damn close." Quin replied softly.

H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50

It was just after 1am two days later when Danny woke to the sound of Steve's labored breathing. The day had been tough, one of the toughest they'd been through and that was saying something. Steve had been riddled with unsettling pain which had refused to subside below any manageable amount.

Camryn had suspected that the leukemia was taking hold after the pain in his joints seemed to escalate rapidly, a sign that the leukemia cells were building up in those areas. Steve had also indicated that he felt pain in his chest and back, dizziness and blurred vision toward the end of the night. Then there was the swelling around his brain which had already caused two seizures during the early afternoon and subsequent hallucinations. Still, he had never once bought up the intervention he had discussed with Camryn, but after seeing the way he'd suffered in the past 24 hours Danny had actually accepted that he couldn't blame Steve if he had decided to go that way.

"Hey…" Danny whispered as he clawed his way onto the bed next to Steve.

Steve opened his eyes but appeared to be in a partial daze. His breathing heavy and hard to catch and his pale skin covered in a thin film of sweat.

"The pain again?" Danny asked.

"Not just the pain…" Steve whispered but he couldn't describe what it was.

"Okay…" Danny answered as he braced himself mentally to deal with another seizure.

"Danny…" Steve whispered.

"I'll get you some more meds."

"Call Camryn…" he wheezed before looking at his best friend. "Danny…"

Danny glared at him for a moment, hoping that there would be some other suggestion coming from Steve's mouth but there was just silence, and a haunting look which pleaded with him for help. Danny, for the first real time, allowed himself to gasp with sadness and utter disbelief, wincing with heartbreak before he grabbed Steve's arm and rested his forehead down on his hand.

"Danny…" he whispered wearily.

"I know… I got it." He said, pulling himself together and standing up. He grabbed his cell from the coffee table, looking back to Steve as he struggled for breath and respite from the agony he was experiencing. Danny exhaled loudly and closed his eyes for a moment, then pushed the programmed number. "Camryn, it's Danny…" he said anxiously. "Ahhh… Steve… he's not good… " he struggled to say before Camryn responded. "Okay… thank you…" he ended the call and thinned his lips with frustration and bitterness. Squeezing his phone tightly in his hand. He headed back over to the bed and offered Steve a warm and encouraging smile. "She's on her way, okay?"

Steve nodded slightly as his breaths now seemed wispy. "It's not good, Danny…" he said, barely coherently.

"I know, buddy…" he answered, powerless to help Steve in anyway.

The realization started to really hit Danny that after everything that had happened, this was it. This would be the last time they would both be able to communicate and say everything they needed to say. He had no idea how long Steve would last after the sedation. In Danny's mind, the moment he was to lose consciousness his best friend would effectively be gone, regardless of how long his heart kept going.

Steve could see the pain and fear in Danny's eyes. "It's gonna be… okay."

"Really?" Danny shook his head and thinned his eyes. "Because…" he broke down unapologetically. "Because I have no idea where I go from here… you have had my back for ten years… I can't even remember what it was like before."

Steve thinned his lips with sorrow, reaching out and holding his partners hand as tight as he physically could. "I'll always have your back." He paused. "And I love you so much."

Danny inhaled a deep breath, forcing himself to quell the panic. Steve didn't need to see or feel it, especially not in the moments before Camryn would be here. He composed himself. "I love you too." He nodded as he tried to wipe away his stubborn tears.

Steve gasped with pain, curving his back with his head and feet pressed into the mattress. His eyes fixed on his best friend again.

"It's okay… just a couple of more minutes and she'll be here." Danny nodded with encouragement.

"Yeah." Steve gasped.

"She's going to stop the pain, okay?" Danny continued.

Suddenly the tension in Steve's body seemed to totally disappear and his expression softened into a look of reprieve.

"You alright?" Danny asked, cautiously optimistic.

"The pain…" Steve whispered slowly. "It's… stopped…"

Danny laughed with relief as he gripped tightly onto Steve's hand. "That's good…" he nodded. "That's good."

Steve held a calm gaze on Danny.

The look was welcomed at first, but as moments passed there was an unease that started to take hold of Danny again. "Steve… talk to me."

I'm okay…" Steve whispered with a soft smile.

Danny watched his best friend's expression loosen. Steve inhaled deeply before exhaling again. Then there was nothing. His eyes open but glazed and his chest still. "Steve?" he called out as he felt the tight grip of his hand relax. "Steve… Steve…" He shouted loudly as he shook him with his free hand. This wasn't how it was supposed to go. He was just saying goodbye because of the sedation, but he still expected time. For what? He didn't know. He guessed that as long as Steve was alive there was always a remote chance of hope. He curled his hand, reluctantly, around Steve's wrist and waited for what seemed like an eternity to have his fears confirmed. There was no heartbeat, not even a faint one. There was nothing at all.

Danny cried out, leaning down and pressing his cheek against his best friends' cheek. Cupping his hand over the crown of Steve's head. Sobbing uncontrollably, like if tears could bring him back Danny could have saved him.

Junior came running down the stairs after hearing the cries. He winced with sadness as he saw the scene. He didn't need Danny to explain. It was evident what had happened. He exhaled softly as he too allowed the sadness to brim over. Tears falling from his eyes whilst an inexplicable rage churned inside of him that this had finally happened.

He didn't want to pull Danny away. Junior had seen in combat the impact those initial moments can have on a surviving person. They, as soldiers and in the moment of battle, weren't often afforded the time to grieve over the body of one of their own and the effects were often long lasting. Danny had to take this time to do what he needed to do. That said, Junior wanted to show that he was there. Gently placing his hand on Danny's shoulder as the detective's body shook with utter despair, but for Danny it was just him and Steve in the room. No one else.

Junior saw the headlights of a vehicle illuminate the room and pulled back his hand from Danny's shoulder. He hurried to the door and stepped out into the front lanai.

"Danny called… sounded like Steve was struggling?" She gasped as she hoisted one bag on her shoulder.

Junior could do nothing but stand there with tears in his eyes. There were no words.

Camryn froze as she glared at the young man's body language, reading between the lines. After a moment she closed her eyes and dropped the bag into the car again.

Junior finally found some words. "Danny's in there… I just wanted to give him some time."

"Of course…" she whispered as she nodded.

"I didn't physically check Steve… but, I got close enough to get some confirmation. I've seen that look enough times before now."

She thinned her lips with sadness. "Yeah…" she whispered as a hundred faces with the same 'look' filtered back in her mind like a movie reel.

"So, this is it…" Junior shrugged like a vulnerable child. "He's gone…" he winced with sadness.

"Come here…" she said softly as she reached out and embraced him.

H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50

The sun had risen on a new day, but the world had changed. Most people on the island would never know or begin to understand the impact of this loss, but for a close-knit group of people they were acutely aware of what had slipped away into the darkness of the night.

Lou, Junior, Tani and Quin sat silently outside on the porch of the house. Holding their heads in their hands with despair. Their eyes reddened and their cheeks damp from the tears that came and went.

Danny had remained by Steve's side the entire time although he had gone from inconsolable to distant. If Camryn had to describe him now it would be numb, as he had slowly and silently worked through the events.

"Danny…" she whispered. "They're on their way to take Steve."

Danny closed his eyes and inhaled. "I'm going with him?"

She winced with sadness. "Danny…"

"I'm going with him." He growled softly.

"I understand… why you feel you have to do this…" Camryn nodded. "But he's gone, Danny… you don't have to protect him anymore…" she hesitated. "And at some point… as much as it hurts… you're gonna have to let him go. The longer you stop that from happening, the tougher it will become."

Danny let out a shaken breath. He knew she was right. He knew this time had to come. But it would never make it easier.

"I'll go with him… and I promise you that he will be taken care of, okay?" She nodded as she rested her hand on Danny's.

Danny hesitated for a moment before he nodded. "Okay…" he whispered.

H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50

The front door opened as the gurney was wheeled out. The arrangement had been made that he would be taken out without being covered in order to allow the team to say their goodbyes one by one.

They pushed themselves to their feet. All looking lost and stunned as his body appeared. The only solace was that he just appeared to be sleeping peacefully. Danny and Camryn followed.

Lou stood straight as his eyes chased his friend. He reached out, placing his hand on Steve's shoulder. He had no words. Nothing that could even do justice to the gravity of this situation. Quin did the same, again silently.

Tani stepped over and gently kissed Steve's cheek and brushed back his hair but could not summon the words.

Junior reached for something out of his pocket and looked down. A medallion of St Michael, patron saint of warriors, rested in his palm. It had been given to him when he first started with the Navy and believed it had protected him. Now he wanted Steve to be protected. He rested it down on Steve's chest, over where he wished he would feel his heart beating and paused for a moment. "The warrior stands, ready to defend, ready to fight those he serves. A knight of conscience. He is who we all wish to be." He recited one of his favorite quotes softly. He stood back and straightened, saluting. Quin did the same as they started to push his body away.

Danny held back as he watched them push the gurney into the back of the vehicle. Camryn turned. "Did you need any more time before we go?"

"More time? Yeah, about 40 years more." He whispered with sadness before inhaling. "I said all I needed to say… and I have to let him go… right?" he said softly.

She nodded with sadness, brushing her hand down Danny's arm before stepping up into the van beside Steve's body.

The group watched over the process until the van made its way down the driveway and out of sight. Their hearts broke collectively. It didn't matter how much time they had been given to allow them to accept the inevitable, they were still left standing in utter disbelief.

"Danny… I'm so sorry…" Tani said as she turned to hug him.

"I need to call Mary." He said calmly but evading Tani's embrace. He turned and headed back into the house.

The others glanced at each other with unease.

Danny slumped down onto the sofa, directly in line of sight to Steve's bed. He avoided eye contact for a moment, gripping his phone and distracted by trying to work out what he was to say to Mary. He didn't actually know why he was bothering, just the inevitable silence on the end of the line would tell her everything, still he felt a duty to try and deliver the news as respectfully as he could.

He searched for the number in his phone and swallowed the lump in his throat before accidentally looking up and fixing his eyes on Steve's empty bed. At first, he sat frozen for a minute but then moments with Steve started to flash through his mind. His blank expression cracked as finally the moment when Steve slipped away played again, like it had done over a dozen times in the last couple of hours, the only difference was that this time it seemed to sink in. He could feel his breathing accelerate and an unsettling feeling wash over him, a distinct feeling of panic, utter sadness and complete despair.

He was actually gone. Gone in almost every single way. Danny felt his chest and airway tighten. He was so lost and overwhelmed he felt as if he had lost complete control of everything and that's when the rush of anger came, like an unstoppable freight train. He got to his feet and screamed out like an injured animal before throwing his phone, causing it to smash against the wall. Danny raised his hands to his head, his fingers laced through his hair, as he paced around the room. Letting go of his best friend wasn't as natural as letting go of his emotions finally. That came easily and he no longer had to hide them.

Lou and Quin hurried into the house with Tani and Junior keeping their distance on the other side of the open door.

"Danny…" Lou said softly.

He looked at the Captain, his eyes filled with disorientation.

"Danny… it's okay…" he whispered.

"No, it's not Lou…" he answered with panic in his voice. "It's not." He dropped his arms down to his sides before his knees became weak and he collapsed to the floor.

Quin reached out and grabbed Danny into a strong embrace as tears filled her own eyes. Danny at first fought to return the gesture but there was a calming sense that came over him with the contact. He wrapped his arms around her and nestled his head into her shoulder.

Grover fought back his own sadness as he knelt down and patted Danny softly on the back. "You let it out, Danny… just let it out."


	9. Chapter 9 FINAL CHAPTER

Chapter 9

The day had again been a blur. Lots of hustle and bustle around Steve's house but Danny had not paid too much attention. He had spent most of his time out on the sand, staring into the distance but occasionally he had found himself turning to Steve's chair to talk to him. The harsh realization hit him like a thousand bullets every time and the pain never seemed to ease.

Later in the evening he had made his bed on the sofa, like he'd done for weeks before, but the company he shared was gone. He lay with his eyes open, looking over to where Steve had been, in the dim light. Every single time he closed his eyes he was comforted by visions of Steve's face but the torment of opening them to find him not there was exhausting in itself.

Somewhere, in the early hours of the morning, he'd admitted defeat. Grabbed the keys to the Camero, quietly leaving and heading back to his own house for the first time in weeks. There he sat on his own sofa in a daze with a bottle of scotch and his thoughts to keep him company.

It was around 8am when his phone started to buzz relentlessly on the coffee table. A whole range of names flashed up from Lou, Tani, Quin and Junior… but never the one he so hoped for. He couldn't bear to talk to anyone right now. He wanted to shut off the world completely even though he knew deep down it was the wrong thing to do.

A message flashed up on the screen from Rachel which caught his attention, but only because of his parental duties and not because it was her.

_'__Danny, I heard about Steve. I am so incredibly sorry. I can't imagine how hard this must be for you. If you want to have some company, Charlie is missing you. I understand completely if it's not the right time but just know that we are there.'_

He inhaled a deep breath. He didn't want to push Charlie away but at the same time he was in no state to deal with the questions or sadness that would come from his son.

_'__I'm not the best company right now, give me some time. Tell Charlie Danno misses him and I will see him soon.' _He responded and clicked send before changing his phone to airplane mode to avoid any more interruptions. He glared at the screen, a picture of he and Steve taken months ago was his background. Their faces bordered by the cracks in the screen, from him throwing the device earlier, seemed to be a godsend. Steve's playful grin on his face didn't capture the actual moment as well in one frame. Danny recalled it had been after an arrest, their body armor still on.

Steve stood there smirking, his fingers curled over the neckline of his vest.

"I know what you are going to say, so just get it over with." Danny started.

Steve shook his head innocently and shrugged. "I just… a little back up would be nice once in a while is all." He grinned.

"In the entire time I have known you, when have you ever wanted back up?"

"I'm just trying to work out when exactly you became so slow in a foot pursuit?"

"When it was? I'll tell you when it was… it was when I realized that a chase is a game to you. It's you against the criminal but it's also you against whoever is following you… and I decided…"

"When… when did you decide?"

"A long time ago… I decided that I am feeding your game by being a part of it whilst wasting heartbeats."

"Wasting heartbeats?" Steve answered with amusement.

"Yeah. Wasting heartbeats." Danny growled.

"This pearl of Danny Williams wisdom is something I absolutely have to hear. Explain. Please."

Danny paused for a moment. The irony was strong. In the way that the chase was a game, so was mocking him. But, he'd also learnt that not following through with explaining himself would also provide some continuous amusement. "Okay… so the way I see it, your heart only has so many beats in a lifetime, right?"

Steve frowned with confusion.

"Raising my heartrate, chasing after a felon, means I am closer to it calling time. Chasing after a felon that you are never going to let me catch is just stupid."

"I'm not a doctor, Danny… but I'm fairly certain it doesn't work like that." He shook his head with a grin.

"You're right, Steven… you're not a doctor."

"Hey!" Quin called out as she and Tani walked over. "Do you two ever stop fighting?"

"Oh no…" Tani shook her head. "These two would fight under water."

"Usually I'm under the water and he is above fighting with me." Steve nodded and pointed to Danny.

"It's the only time I can get you to shut up. That's why." Danny snapped.

"It's okay to look up to me, Danny… you're only human." Steve replied.

"Okay, let me tell you something. The only reason I ever look up to you is because you're taller than me. Let's just make that clear." Danny snarled mockingly.

"Okay, time out… I am sorry I asked." Quin smiled as she held her hands up to surrender. "But let's say it's time for you two to kiss and make up."

Steve grinned again, scooping Danny with one arm around his shoulders and pressed his other hand into Danny's side to make him laugh, which it always did. The happiness was palpable.

Quin clicked her cell phone camera, capturing the moment. "Okay… so this picture is to serve as a visual tool to remind yourselves that playing nice is not always so bad." She smirked passing the phone to Danny to see the image.

"Nice… except the only tool in this picture is him." Danny added as he pointed to Steve.

Steve held his eyes on Quin as his goofy smirked widened with what could only be described as pride.

Danny coughed out a laugh but his eyes filled with tears which clouded his view of the image. If he could just go back to that moment, given what he knew now, and change the course of time. He would have fought more with Steve about going to Mexico to rescue Doris. Steve would have been here when he first started feeling unwell. He would have been treated earlier and he would have had a better chance.

His anguish playing the 'what if' game was interrupted by a firm knock at the door. He looked over but his eyes drifted down as he sat silently. Again, it wouldn't be the only person he longed to see. Still the knocking persisted.

"Danny…" Lou called out from the porch. "Danny, I know you're in there man."

Danny lowered his head and gripped his phone tightly with both hands.

"Danny… please… please just open the door… please." Lou begged.

He sighed before closing his eyes. Grover's tone was hard to ignore.

Lou stood on the porch, his fist resting against the door and his expression filled with concern but never expecting to get anywhere. Then the door opened prompting him to stand up straight. He sighed with relief as he saw Danny in front of him. Nothing was said between the pair but Danny moved to the side to allow Grover in.

Danny slumped down into the sofa again and thinned his lips.

"Junior said that you took off during the night. He figured you'd gone for a drive, but when you didn't show up this morning and you didn't answer your phone… we got worried." Lou started.

Danny nodded but avoided eye contact. "I needed to get out of there."

"I get it, man." Grover nodded. "You need time to clear your head."

"No, what I need is Steve to be sitting right next to you… uninvited… drinking my beer, eating the contents of my refrigerator and being generally irritating."

Lou smiled softly.

Danny sat in silence for a moment before leaning forward. "You know I thought I had this all figured out. I thought that I had prepared myself for this moment." He thinned his eyes. "I lost Matt… I remember how that felt… and I figured that this would feel similar." He paused as he filled his lungs with much needed air. "But it's hit me like a freight train in the past 24 hours and it's been like nothing I have ever experienced before, Lou…"

"What you had with Steve… it was incredibly rare."

He shook his head. "I had guilt about what happened to my brother." He started. "I shouldn't have let him on the plane that night. I should have taken him in… he would have done time, but he would still be alive." He hesitated. "Even after we found out he was dead, it never once got to the point where it consumed me as much as this has."

Lou nodded sympathetically.

"I couldn't relate to Steve, when he talked about that level of guilt he felt with his father… the torment playing over and over in his mind… but I get it now."

"You don't have a single thing to feel guilty for, Danny." Lou whispered.

"No?" He snapped softly as he struggled to see why Lou couldn't see his point of view. To Danny it was obvious. "I let him take that hit of radiation from the dirty bomb… I didn't push the point enough about it being me taking that risk instead of him."

"You were on the clock." Lou growled softly. "And it would never had made any difference if you'd had all the time in the world to make that call. You know damn well that Steve would never have let any of us take that hit, least of all you." He shuffled before taking a seat next to Danny. "Look, man… you got to go through all of this in your head… and I get that… but no one, certainly not Steve, would ever lay any of this at your feet."

Danny lowered his head as he rested his arms against his knees. "I know… but it still doesn't stop me from believing what I believe." He sat back, clawing his fingers through his hair. "I just miss him, Lou… and I want him back."

Lou's eyes glistened as he watched his friend break down and sink to incredible lows. The overwhelming distress, that Danny was in, crushed Grover more than he thought possible after losing Steve.

Danny dropped his hands to his side and closed his eyes.

"How much sleep have you had?" Lou asked.

Danny remained silent before sighing. "I can't close my eyes long enough."

"Well you got to get some rest, Danny. The next couple of days are going to be hard… and you can't get through them without some sleep." He paused. "Did you speak to Mary?"

"Yeah… we talked a couple of times yesterday and she sent me an email during the night." He sighed. "Camryn's helping with the funeral arrangements, the military side anyway… Mary wanted me to have some involvement, but Steve had all his wishes covered… between the three of them it will come together." He sighed. "She said that she wanted me to speak at the service… but… I don't know if I have it in me right now."

"You know… having an involvement may just be a good thing for you." Lou nodded. "And there is absolutely no one better, on this earth, than you to give his eulogy."

Danny remained motionless, completely exhausted and unable to fully respond.

"Okay… well I'm not leaving here until I've made you something to eat." Lou stood up and walked over to the doorway to the kitchen. "Then when I'm done, if you want to be alone, I'll take my sorry ass out of that door."

"Hey Lou…" Danny whispered before looking over to him. "I appreciate it."

"You got it, brother." Lou nodded.

By the time Lou appeared again, with a sandwich and a soda in his hands, Danny had given in to fighting his fatigue. His head resting comfortably on the arm of the chair and his feet up at the other end. Lou rested the food down on the table in front of him and grabbed a blanket from the back of a single chair nearby. He gently placed it over Danny's torso, concerned he may disturb him but relieved when it didn't even cause him to flinch. His lips thinned into a sympathetic smile before creeping out of the house.

H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50

Four days later…

It was one of those days. The sun had appeared after a heavy, early morning, tropical downpour. Clouds hung over the hills of the island, in the distance, but down by the water it was bright and fresh.

Danny stepped out of a chauffeured black SUV, with Mary and Joanie, crisp grey suit in the shade of the USS Missouri. Star-Spangled Banners lined the walkway, as they always had, drawing their path towards the ship, blowing gently but with precision in the warm wind.

The first time he had ever been to Pearl Harbor had been with Steve, when they had come to enlist Chin that day. There was something remarkable about the significance of this place. Missouri watching over the remains of the Arizona, often referred to the bookends of WW2 and now personally this place could almost be bookends to his and Steve's time together.

A reception of people met the small group, hand shaking from people in uniforms they didn't know and all the formal introductions were made before a familiar uniformed figure appeared.

"Camryn…" Danny whispered softly with an appreciative look.

She embraced him warmly before hugging Mary. "Everything is just how he wanted it."

"Can't thank you enough." Mary nodded. "Really, I wouldn't have known where to start."

Camryn clutched her hand.

Danny turned towards another vehicle pulling up and the doors opened. He made eye contact with the first person to appear. Lou dressed in a dark suit and sunglasses over his eyes. Then the rest appeared. Tani was in a lilac top with black pants, Junior in his Navy uniform and Quin all in black.

"Hey man…" Lou held out his hand and clutched Danny's, pulling him into an embrace.

"You ready?" Tani asked him softly.

"We'll see." Danny nodded with a certain level of doubt before making their way up the ramps to the ships decks.

Lines of chairs had been set out under the permanent marquee on the rear teak deck, in the silhouette of the aft tri-gun turret. Mary had been taken aback with the staggering turnout. All the seating had been taken and people had lined around the outsides of the deck. All kinds of people, uniformed and civilian.

A picture of Steve was the first thing that Danny saw, he was surprised it wasn't an official Navy one, rather a candid picture of him on one of his middle eastern deployments. Fatigues, armor and that well-known boyish grin. Danny smiled softly, he'd never seen the image before and was pleased they had been allowed to use something less formal than what he had seen at Billy Harrington's funeral.

Then his eyes focused on the flag draped coffin, which stood on display, backed by the water of the glistening harbor. His chest tightened as he realized the moment which he had been busying himself with, since Steve passed, was now here. This was their last, physical, responsibility for him. He couldn't think about that right now. He had to pull himself to concentrate on the moment.

Mary, Danny and Joanie were guided to three vacant seats at the front and the team took their seats just behind them.

The ceremony started shortly after, but for the most part Danny was distracted too much to listen to the words. He couldn't help but allow his thoughts to cloud his concentration. Mary had only arrived the morning before the ceremony and had wanted to view Steve's body at the funeral home, Danny had been open to going with her, remembering his promise to his best friend that he would do anything to guard Mary during this time and beyond.

As they had walked towards the open oak casket his face had come into view, though it wasn't a shock to Danny on how frail Steve looked it certainly was for Mary. She had stepped back suddenly, bursting into tears and reluctant to go any further.

"It's okay…" Danny said as he scooped his arm around her back.

"I can't. I thought I could, but I can't." she sobbed.

Danny inhaled deeply; they had come this far. She would regret it if she didn't do what she'd come for. "Take a minute…" he said softly. "But… you need to do this Mary."

She closed her eyes, tears falling down her cheeks from her already reddened eyes. Finally after a few moments she exhaled and managed to conjure up the strength that she needed. She nodded then stepped closer once more. The shock of his appearance had diminished somewhat, yes his face was unfamiliar and gaunt but his color seemed natural and his expression was peaceful. She had rarely seen him in full dress uniform, the crisp white tunic that bore his medals and trident on his chest. There was a sense of overwhelming pride that filled her. This was her brother, her hero in every sense and she loved him immensely.

She stepped closer to get right up by his side, reaching down into the casket to rest her hand on his. His skin was cool, but she didn't flinch, wrapping her fingers around his once protective hand. She bowed closer to him and with her left hand she rested it on his cheek. "I love you so much, Steve…" she whispered.

Danny straightened as he stood three steps behind her. The complex mix of emotions inhibited him all at once, paralyzing him for just a moment as they had done so many times before. He felt fortunate that he had been allowed to have those final last moments of Steve's life with him, but also guilty that Mary had been denied the opportunity. Did she resent him? If she did she didn't show it, but there must be something there.

Danny snapped out from his thoughts to notice Mary trembling uncontrollably beside him, just as she had on the way home from the viewing. He grabbed her hand gently before she gripped his tightly.

He felt a strong clutch on his shoulder suddenly as Lou stood up behind him and walked towards the microphone. This being a signal that his moment was near. Lou rested a piece of paper down on the stand and cleared his throat, his eyes glistening with tears but he refused to let them get the better of him in that moment. He paused for a moment.

"The Dash…" he started.

"I read of a man who stood to speak  
At the funeral of a friend

He referred to the dates on his tombstone  
From the beginning to the end

He noted that first came his date of birth  
And spoke the following date with tears,

But he said what mattered most of all  
Was the dash between those years

For that dash represents all the time  
That he spent alive on earth.

And now only those who loved him  
Know what that little line is worth.

For it matters not how much we own;  
The cars, the house, the cash,

What matters is how we live and love  
And how we spend our dash.

So think about this long and hard.  
Are there things you'd like to change?

For you never know how much time is left,  
That can still be rearranged.

If we could just slow down enough  
To consider what's true and real

And always try to understand  
The way other people feel.

And be less quick to anger,  
And show appreciation more

And love the people in our lives  
Like we've never loved before.

If we treat each other with respect,  
And more often wear a smile

Remembering that this special dash  
Might only last a little while.

So, when your eulogy is being read  
With your life's actions to rehash

Would you be proud of the things they say  
About how you spent your dash?"

"I don't know if Steve ever heard this poem in his life…" Lou continued. "But for those who knew him, knew his background, he was the prime example of making his dash count as much as he could. He didn't get to experience everything… he maybe didn't slow down enough, perhaps didn't find everything in life that he wanted… but he did try to always understand how other people felt, treated them with respect, showed appreciation, loved his ohana fiercely and had a smile that lit up the room. He was one of a kind, someone you were inherently honored to be a part of his life… and someone who I hope will always inspire all of us to be better, do better and make the most of that dash." He nodded with pride, stepping away from the podium and walking toward the casket before resting his hand on the top. "Miss you."

The navy chaplain took his place again behind the stand, only long enough to call on Danny.

Again, he felt the hands of support on his shoulder and arm from those behind him, but it didn't stop his heart from racing. He nodded gently, reaching inside his jacket and retrieving a piece of paper before stepping up to the podium. He glared at the words that he had spent days working on but there was silence.

Tani, Lou, Quin and Junior looked at each other.

Danny leant against the podium with both hands and looked into the crowd. He was heartened to see many familiar faces, not just everyday ones from HPD and the military, but those who had been helped by 5-0 and specifically Steve. He struggled to make one last attempt at the notes, then suddenly scrunched them up and pushed them back into his pocket.

"I… I had a whole bunch of things written down…" he started. "But… it was mostly his service which I think everyone is aware of by now. So, I'm going to talk about my best friend and my brother. His motivation, his conviction… and how lucky I was to be part of a small group of people he let into his life."

Lou closed his eyes and nodded with complete approval.

"I met Steve, just shy of ten years ago. Our first encounter…" he grinned "wasn't exactly smooth… it was at gun point… arguing… pretty much like we continued to be honest." The congregation laughed softly. "But over the first few weeks… I saw this man, with a drive that I couldn't explain… a passion I wasn't familiar with… and an integrity so strong it seemed too good to be true." Danny exhaled a shaken sigh.

Mary's eyes floated down.

"The more I got to know him, the more I got to understand about the stock he came from… mostly, his father who had been in the military and then a long standing HPD officer… you couldn't mention the name McGarrett without someone launching into a story about John and how respected he was." Danny paused.

Tani and Junior listened intently.

"I remember the day that Steve learned about his grandfather's actions on the Arizona, when Pearl Harbor was attacked. Some clips from a documentary had found its way to Steve where a survivor had spoken of a man who had gone back down into the Arizona to flood the ammo shed, so that the flames wouldn't reach it. This man knew his actions would likely result in his death, and his sacrifice and actions saved countless lives that day." He paused. "That man was Ensign Steven McGarrett. When I heard the story, it made sense to me. Steve shared more than his name with his grandfather, he shared his virtue."

Quin lowered her head.

He paused and contemplated his next words. "If Steve were here right now, he would probably kick my ass for saying what I am about to say… because he never did anything with the want or need for attention or recognition… but I think it's time this was shared." He hesitated. "The truth is… those of you who live on this island are only able to stand here today because of decisions that Steve made." He closed his eyes for one moment. "Steve's illness was a result of radiation poisoning, a few years back. Face to face with a dirty bomb that would take out much of the island's population, only ten minutes on the clock and no options, Steve knew that the only thing that could save us all would be to remove the core." Danny nodded. "In true McGarrett style, he strapped a truck battery to his chest and told me to get out of the way to avoid my own risk of exposure… protecting me like he had done a thousand times before… protecting all of us just like he had done a thousand times before." He smiled thinly with pride. "What he did that day was his own sacrifice… and just like his grandfather, his own actions that saved countless lives."

There were looks of shock and sadness in the crowd.

"To me… to us…" he nodded towards Mary and the team. "He was our guiding light. Our mentor. Someone who always saw your worth, even if you didn't see it yourself. He had this natural ability to pull the good out of the harshest of people and see their potential… even when we were all telling him he was crazy."

He paused as his eyes filled with tears when he focused on Grace in the crowd of faces.

"He was an uncle to our kids, a brother, a best friend… And whilst it is well documented that he and I spent the last ten years finding new and amazing ways to aggravate one another…" he stopped as his face creased with emotion. Breathing heavily to hold on to his composure just a little while longer. "He was the only person, outside of my family, that I can honestly say I have truly loved." Danny nodded as his lip quivered with sadness. "My life will never be the same again now he's gone… but I also know that what he taught me, what he gave me while he was here… the legacy he has left… I know that my life is far better off for knowing him."

Mary closed her eyes, allowing the tears to fall as Lou, Quin, Tani and Junior. They couldn't have been proud of Danny in that moment.

Danny hovered beside the casket and placed his hand down on the top, just as Lou had, closing his eyes. "I love you and I miss you so much buddy." He whispered before returning to his place.

The chaplain continued with his last words before the gun salute sounded. Once complete the lone bugler, playing Taps, broke the silence once more. The flag on the coffin was folded meticulously into the customary 13-fold triangle, then awarded to Mary.

H50H50H50H05H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50

A large crowd of people mingled at the house but for Danny he felt uncomfortable. He stood on the waters edge; his crystal blue eyes focused on the sun melted into the waves.

"Danny?" a voice said softly behind him.

He turned to see Camryn, she shuffled cautiously as if she felt awkward to impose. "Hey…" he whispered with a smile.

"Listen… um…" she hesitated. "I promised Steve that I would do one thing for him after the funeral."

"Okay?" he frowned.

She reached into her pocket and produced a memory stick, holding it out to him. "He wanted you to have this…" she smiled and shrugged. "Actually, his exact words were that it was just in case he couldn't get back to haunt you quick enough."

Danny raised his eyebrows, nodded and grinned then took hold of the stick.

"He did it a couple of weeks back… he was worried that he wouldn't have the time or the ability to say all he wanted too… so we recorded this." She continued.

He immediately felt that familiar lump form in the back of his throat, hesitating for just a moment. "Thank you…" he whispered with appreciation.

"If you can't watch it alone… give me a call… I'll come sit with you." She nodded as she brushed his arm.

Mary walked over to Junior and grabbed his arm gently. "Hey… can we talk real quick?"

"Sure." Junior nodded as he excused himself from the group he was standing with. He guessed he knew what it was about. "Listen, I've been meaning to say something about me still being here, but it never seemed like the right time. I'm in the process of packing my things and I'll be out of here in a couple of days."

Mary frowned. "What? No." she shook her head.

Junior thinned his eyes with confusion. "I thought that's what you'd wanna talk about?"

"No. I mean… yeah, it is… but not about you leaving." She replied before she sighed. "Actually… we wanted to know if you would stay."

"We?" Junior asked.

She smiled thinly. "When Steve and I talked about what was going to happen with everything, I told him that I didn't want to get rid of this place. Not yet." She shook her head. "Steve set up trusts for Grace, Charlie and Joanie, but they can't access the money until they are 25…. We both agreed, that since Grace is still a little way off that, keeping the house would probably be smarter for now." She paused. "So… would you stay? Look after it for me?"

"Seriously? Of course." Junior nodded enthusiastically. "I really appreciate it."

Mary pulled him into an embrace. "Thank you…" she whispered before letting him go.

"Hey…" Danny smiled as he stepped up to the pair.

"Hey… you eat anything yet?" Junior asked.

"Actually, no… I'm heading home." Danny replied.

"You sure?" Junior frowned.

"Yeah… it's been a tough day… and… I think I just need some time by myself." He smiled softly.

Mary looked at him sympathetically. She could see how much he was hurting.

"Don't…" he smiled and waved his finger at her. "Don't you give me those McGarrett eyes… your brother used to look at me like that…"

She smirked at the thought.

"You take care of yourself, okay… and remember… I'm a phone call away. You need me or anything… you let me know." Danny continued as he embraced Mary.

"Danny… I can't even begin to thank you for what you've done." She whispered as she held him tight. "He would be so proud of you right now."

They released from their embrace. "He would have done exactly the same thing for me." He said softly. "Maybe not as stoic as I have, but he would have tried." He grinned.

Mary laughed loudly before resting the palm of her hand on his cheek. "He was so lucky to have you."

"No. The luck went both ways. Trust me." He nodded.

H50H50H50H05H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50

Danny sat at the table at his house and opened the laptop before reaching into his jacket pocket, which hung on the chair behind him. He grabbed out the memory stick and clutched it in his hand for a moment. There was anxiety that built in him. This was the last message he would ever get from his best friend and he didn't want it to be over.

He sighed as he pushed the memory stick into the USB and a screen popped up. "Okay…" he whispered before pressing play.

Steve's face popped up on the screen before the camera fell accidentally. He fumbled around with it, positioning it more securely.

"You putz." Danny shook his head. "Just as well you were better with a gun than a phone."

Steve sat back against the wall and smiled. "Hey Danny…"

"Still with the smile…" Danny growled.

"So… you seeing this video means that I'm not with you physically anymore…" he nodded somberly but with a thin smile before he paused. "And I don't know, as I film this, how long I have or what more we will go through… but what I do know… what I have no doubt in… is that you were with me right until the end."

Danny's eyes glistened as he rubbed his hand over his mouth.

"You already know that I've had people in my life come and go… and the people who should be there for you. Out of everyone in my life… there was only one that never left. Never lied. Never had an ulterior motive. That accepted me for who I was. That never hid anything from me… and that always told me what I needed to hear… even when it was absolutely unsolicited. That was you, pal."

Danny swallowed back the sadness.

"And I know… that at times you felt like I didn't admire or respect you. That I didn't pay closer attention to you." He shook his head as he broke slightly. "But that couldn't be further from the truth."

His face winced. He was sad that Steve had died thinking that, but also happy to hear validation.

"To have a friend… a brother… so loyal… so focused and dedicated on the people he loves and the things that matter… it made up for everything I lost and so much more." Steve nodded as he looked down, a tear fell from his eye. "And the truth is… that even if I was to hang around for another forty years… in my eyes… I could never repay you for the utter gift that you have given me."

Danny squeezed his eyes closed. He wished he could tell Steve the same, he wished he could have this conversation face to face, console his best friend from emotions he rarely showed.

"Anyway… just after I was diagnosed… and I had my bucket list going… I remembered a conversation we had last year. I told you that I had never to been to Disneyland…" he coughed a laugh. "You thought that was crazy… and I said it was still somewhere I wanted to go. You said you thought that was hysterical since I was a battle hardened Navy SEAL and the thought of me having a picture with Micky Mouse was entertaining to you. We talked about it, and we said that once Charlie was a little older, we'd go."

The stabbing of Danny's heart was intense. It was one of the many things he would now be reminded of that would never happen.

"So, I booked it… but as time went on and things got worse… it wasn't meant to be for me. But I never cancelled… I put it on hold and arranged everything for you to just make the date. You can take whoever you want in my place… or not take anyone else at all… it's completely up to you."

Danny's tears started to flow but he stifled the sounds of his cries.

"I want you to take Charlie… and do everything that we would have all done… laugh… have fun… reflect on what you want to do next…"

He leaned against the table, his hand cupped over his mouth as he widened his eyes in an attempt to clear the mist of tears.

"Next…" Steve whispered as he pondered. "If I know you like I think I do, you'd be thinking that giving up 5-0 is the way to go. If you want my opinion…"

"I don't… but I guess I'll get it." Danny whispered sarcastically.

"Stay for now…" Steve continued with encouragement. "There is no one better who could lead that team. Get everyone through this transition… then make your decision."

Danny sighed.

"So… this is it." Steve said softly before pausing. "Until we meet again. I love you Danny." He smiled through the sadness. "I… I really do… and again… thank you… for every single thing." He nodded before offering a thin but genuine smile and the video stopped.

He stared at the screen, wishing there was more. His heart broke one more time. Danny nodded after a moment; a slight smile crossed his lips. "And I love you too, Steve." He whispered.


End file.
